Perception... self perception... comparitive self perception of a chronological nature.
Do you ever do or say something and realize that the people around you don't understand how you mean it to be interpretted? You have been with you your whole life and you know when your joking. Other people aren't as fortunate as you are. They may have only know you for a few minutes. Sometimes I say things I mean one way but other people think I'm making a joke. It makes me seem a bit cleverer than I really am, but no, the pun [in the conversation] was not intended.

That's not exactly what I was going to write about tonight. I have this idea of myself (internal and external) that is, most likely, very different than what other people think of me. In some ways my self concept is out of date. It's also possible that certain character traits are just buried deeper than casual life cares to dig. I mean, I still carry around with me ideas and interpretations I developed when I was a teenager. I still sometimes think like I did when I was in college. I sometimes expect those around me to understand me in that context when the vast majority of them weren't around at that time. Communication needs shared meanings and experiences to take place. I could describe a coffee cup to you, but it'd be much more efficient for me to say "coffee cup" and have you understand what I mean because you've experienced coffee cups in your life. It's amazing that communication can take place sometimes.

who are we?
shadows and forms from the past
like a locust shell on a tree
reality remembered but emptied by time
outdated, irrelevent
not dead, just buried
we are not what we once were anymore

I wanted to let you know I was thinking about you so I called you. You seemed pleased to hear from me. We chatted for a few minutes and it was good. There are things I like about you and I like spending time with you. Even just talking on the phone is a treat. Things seem better when you're around. Am I in love with you? No, not yet at least. I don't think I know you well enough, but you do have my interest. I hope this isn't bad news to you. I don't want to hear another "you're a good friend, but I've never been 'interested' in you" speech.

Will you even read this? If you do will you know I'm writing to you? Anyone can read this and I'm not telling who "you" are. You're a lady I haven't had one of those pleasant "defining our relationship" talks with.

At any rate, it was nice talking to you on the phone. Maybe someday I'll actually ask you what you think of the possibility of 'us'. I'm so bad at this stuff :)

Okay, I'm thinking my sleep schedule is screwed up again. No, I'm not wide awake at 3am like I was a few months ago. I am, however, pretty awake right now at 12:28 am. Actually, I'm more awake now than I was at 6pm. I had a headache then so maybe the two are symptoms of a larger problem. I may be coming down with another cold/flu. If I am, this'll be my third this season. I feel fine now. I am a little tired but I should be at 12:31am.

I'm typing this on my room mate's PowerBook G4 whilst sitting on my bed. Wireless broadband is a nice thing. I haven't seen him since I left the house at 10:30 this morning. Since he isn't back yet, I'm thinking he may be out of town for the night. I hope he doesn't need this computer tonight or in the morning. It has a DVD in it. I hope he won't need that either. Of course, I could've typed this on my computer downstairs. But, to me, it feels more natural to blog just before going to sleep.

good night. y'all

I like Kleinfeltersville Road. Not only does it have a long name that I find strangely entertaining but it's fun to drive on. It doesn't curve very much and it isn't a straight, flat piece of road where you can drive recklessly fast. It does, however, have a section where the powerlines run along side of the road as it climbs the (small) mountain. The trees on the powerline's side are all trimmed from the ground to their tops. This gives the feeling of driving through a canyon about 60 feet deep and 30-40 feet wide. It's a strange sensation but I enjoy it.