Congratulations on finding your way to this blog (again). I hope you find it entertaining. I hope somebody finds my miserable excuse for an existence amusing. Wait, no, I'm not miserable. I may even be content... or at least complacent. I rarely feel trapped and oppressed. I can't whine about that. Okay, maybe sometimes and in very specific ways I might feel trapped and incompetent. Still, there's a great deal of hope left in me. I don't think I'll confess ALL my personality flaws and moral failings here. There's a temptation to use this as a confessional. There's the desire to unload all the negative thoughts and flush them from the mind. There's the desire to make a connection or to be understood. Maybe there's just a desire to be heard or to get my side of the story out. Why do I have a blog anyway? I guess it's a bit of all of those reasons and a few more. I wonder if anyone other than MT reads this on any kind of regular basis. I don't write in it on a regular basis so I can't expect a following. I don't think I want a following... Okay, I do want a following, but not the responsibility. I'm so weak :)

The weather over the last few days has made driving a bit more interesting. We didn't get much snow here in Lynchburg. We did get an inch or two of sleet. It's pretty wierd. The back yard is kind of hard. It's a bit like when it snows then melts a little then refreezes. This time, however, it came down that way. Anyway I didn't go to church on sunday and the university I work at was closed today. Both days I got up around 9:30 and went back to bed and slept until around noon. That's not really normal for me. It's not like I stayed up any later than usual (except Friday night). I should probably start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier (like before 8am).

My love life is about as lifeless as ever. There are a few women I am interested in, but so far there are no sparks. Maybe I've been too passive. Of course, almost every attempt at activity has been greeted with a cold shoulder and "I value you as a friend but never thought of you in "that" way" treatment. What, me bitter? First base? c'mon I can't even get on the field. ;)

Somehow I gotta get out of the habbit of detailing my flaws and faux pas to the people I should be trying to impress. Well, I think I've said too much again. :)

ciao

It's 4:11 am and I'm wide awake. I don't know why. Maybe I've developed a hyper sensitivity to caffeine. It can't be because I've been sleeping too much lately because I haven't. 8 hours of sleep is the recommended amount, right? It's not too much. Even the 8 hours I get isn't a solid 8... it may be a solid 7 or less. Tonight I went to sleep around 1:30 and woke up an hour or two later and well, here I am. I think I'll be able to fall asleep fairly quickly again. I'm pretty alert but the weariness is creeping back in.

So, do you think I should change the name of this blog to "dana w burman's insomnia inspired musings"? Hmmm pathetic.

Perception... self perception... comparitive self perception of a chronological nature.
Do you ever do or say something and realize that the people around you don't understand how you mean it to be interpretted? You have been with you your whole life and you know when your joking. Other people aren't as fortunate as you are. They may have only know you for a few minutes. Sometimes I say things I mean one way but other people think I'm making a joke. It makes me seem a bit cleverer than I really am, but no, the pun [in the conversation] was not intended.

That's not exactly what I was going to write about tonight. I have this idea of myself (internal and external) that is, most likely, very different than what other people think of me. In some ways my self concept is out of date. It's also possible that certain character traits are just buried deeper than casual life cares to dig. I mean, I still carry around with me ideas and interpretations I developed when I was a teenager. I still sometimes think like I did when I was in college. I sometimes expect those around me to understand me in that context when the vast majority of them weren't around at that time. Communication needs shared meanings and experiences to take place. I could describe a coffee cup to you, but it'd be much more efficient for me to say "coffee cup" and have you understand what I mean because you've experienced coffee cups in your life. It's amazing that communication can take place sometimes.

who are we?
shadows and forms from the past
like a locust shell on a tree
reality remembered but emptied by time
outdated, irrelevent
not dead, just buried
we are not what we once were anymore

I wanted to let you know I was thinking about you so I called you. You seemed pleased to hear from me. We chatted for a few minutes and it was good. There are things I like about you and I like spending time with you. Even just talking on the phone is a treat. Things seem better when you're around. Am I in love with you? No, not yet at least. I don't think I know you well enough, but you do have my interest. I hope this isn't bad news to you. I don't want to hear another "you're a good friend, but I've never been 'interested' in you" speech.

Will you even read this? If you do will you know I'm writing to you? Anyone can read this and I'm not telling who "you" are. You're a lady I haven't had one of those pleasant "defining our relationship" talks with.

At any rate, it was nice talking to you on the phone. Maybe someday I'll actually ask you what you think of the possibility of 'us'. I'm so bad at this stuff :)

Okay, I'm thinking my sleep schedule is screwed up again. No, I'm not wide awake at 3am like I was a few months ago. I am, however, pretty awake right now at 12:28 am. Actually, I'm more awake now than I was at 6pm. I had a headache then so maybe the two are symptoms of a larger problem. I may be coming down with another cold/flu. If I am, this'll be my third this season. I feel fine now. I am a little tired but I should be at 12:31am.

I'm typing this on my room mate's PowerBook G4 whilst sitting on my bed. Wireless broadband is a nice thing. I haven't seen him since I left the house at 10:30 this morning. Since he isn't back yet, I'm thinking he may be out of town for the night. I hope he doesn't need this computer tonight or in the morning. It has a DVD in it. I hope he won't need that either. Of course, I could've typed this on my computer downstairs. But, to me, it feels more natural to blog just before going to sleep.

good night. y'all

I like Kleinfeltersville Road. Not only does it have a long name that I find strangely entertaining but it's fun to drive on. It doesn't curve very much and it isn't a straight, flat piece of road where you can drive recklessly fast. It does, however, have a section where the powerlines run along side of the road as it climbs the (small) mountain. The trees on the powerline's side are all trimmed from the ground to their tops. This gives the feeling of driving through a canyon about 60 feet deep and 30-40 feet wide. It's a strange sensation but I enjoy it.

I wish I had brought my camera, my film camera. I was leaving for PA from VA and thought about taking it. The problem was that I left it at work and I was leaving from home. I didn't want to take the extra 20-30 minutes it'd take to go get it. Besides, I had my video camera with me. Well, here I am in PA, wishing I had my good old Pentax K-1000 with me. Why? because it snowed yesterday. It was the first good snow on Christmas day in these parts in a long time. It's a pretty part of the country anyway. There are fields and barns and covered bridges and other photo friendly scenes. Now all that stuff is covered in snow and it's pretty. I drove around taking still pictures using my video camera, but it just can't capture the detail that my film camera can. *sigh*

I'm a little tired but I'm thinking about going to WalMart... around 1 or 2 am. I haven't really done much Christmas shopping yet. Yeah, it's pretty pathetic. I barely have ideas about what to get for who. It's kind of hard to write clever things and watch TV at the same time. I guess it's clear where my priorities are.

Oh, BTW, The video was a hit at the party and afterwards.

woah, the time on blogger must be messed up. The last published indicator says it's 9:03pm. On the post itself it says it was made at 5:03 am, I made the post at 12:03am. The prefs are set at -5GMT for eastern U.S.

It's too late for this sick boy to be up still. Good night.

oi, today wasn't a bad day but it had its frustrations. Most of them were computer/software related. If I were the cursing kind I fear the paint would have peeled off the walls from the verbal assult. As it was I just declared things idiotic and stupid. My voice sounds a bit different because I have a cold or something. I'm working on something that's due tomorrow by 1pm. I'm not totally happy with how it's coming out but its just a little video for a company Christmas banquet. It'll get done some how.