Back in PA. It's only been a day. Already I am bored. I don't have many friends in the area anymore. Not too many people to do things with or too many things to do. I want to get over to Harrisburg to see Santa Vs. The Snowman 3D at the IMAX theater. I don't know when I'll do that though. The big family get together has moved from Sat to Sun and has shrunk a little because my sis Carol isn't coming down. I'd be more bummed if I ever got to know and enjoy my siblings, but I'm ten years younger than the next youngest. I barely remember living with most of them and I'm not sure if those memories are momories of events or memories of photos of the events.

Maybe I'll go back down to Lynchburg before New Years. Most of my friends will be back in town by then and I can get back to work on the UVA arena project... and possibly get started on my online character animation course.

I don't mean to complain. I just don't know what to do here. :)

My old car died. I bought a new(er) one. I could've disposed of the old one in a more profitable manner, but at least I don't owe anything on it. The new car is a 1999 Nissan Altima. It's a good car in good condition at a good price. It may even be a great car in great condition at a great price. I haven't decided yet. It's not a sportscar though. :^/


When I got my new car, I had to get a new staff parking sticker. I thought it was odd that the officer issuing the sticker didn't bother to check my ID. Then I realized that my staff parking sticker is not a privilege. It's more like a punishment. I have to park farther away from work than freshmen have to park from classes. Maybe the distance is about the same. Oh well, I understand the need and I know other campuses have it worse. I just don't like how it feels to go from somewhat privileged to somewhat banished. They still haven't put in the covered bus stops they promised. :) Some things just don't change.


What about Kansas? Well, nothing. I think I *could've* loved her. I stand chanceless. It wasn't an option. Maybe I gave up too easily. I don't want to be a nuisance. Adios my acquaintance.

What's the point of writing if it won't be understood. It's an outlet. I don't care if most of you figure out what I'm talking about. In fact, if you ask me I'll tell you (depending on who "you" are). I doubt that this will be read much anyway.

Today was a good day.
It's good to feel productive. I was able to tell help someone solve a problem on the phone before even getting up.

I finished the Final Exit DVD last night and this morning I got it ready to ship to the guy who'll put it on a DLT. Yeah, that doesn't mean much to many of you. It just means I'm done with it and it should be in duplication in a week or two.

I went to work [late] to discover that the router wasn't working. They had tried turning it on and off via the circuit breaker. They checked the fuses. They called tech support. I unplugged the power chords from the back and tried to unplug another cable, but was unsuccessful with that one. When I plugged them back in the router and control panels worked properly. I don't know how anything I did was different from what they did by turning the breaker on and off. Maybe one of the cables I tried to unplug had vibrated loose somehow and I settled it back into place. Erick (my boss) was so relieved that it was working again and he didn't have to send it in for service, he said I could take the day off. I stayed and worked on some graphics for the recruiting video. I may have to leave work early tomorrow because one of my sisters from PA will be coming down.

After work I bought a couple pair of khakis and a couple pair of jeans. They were on sale and I sort of need them. Then I had a little meeting with Tim and Mike. I went home, winterized my room, scarfed down some pizza and went to Bible study. After that I watched the bonus features on the Finding Nemo DVD and then some TV.

so that's a good day for me. Probably none of the events I mentioned make the difference in whether a day is good or bad. It may be the things between the events that make a day good or bad, depending on the events I guess.

I'm tired. I'm babbling. I'm watching TV. I'm thinking you probably didn't read the inventory of my day. If you did, Thanks.

struck out again
at least I know early this time
the feelings she doesn't have for me
no great build up of emotion
no small collection of pining poems
only 2 pages of things I remembered about her
from last friday and the few talks before

I don't think I trully believed
that she was interested in me
I was hopeful, to be sure
it had to be either a miscommunication
or a fluke of nature
but still, past performance is not
indicative of future results

hope is still cautiously here

------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note I got The Innocence Mission's "Befriended" CD and I really dig it. The music is sparse, melacholy, fragile and beautiful. I can't quite make out what she's singing without the help of the lyric sheet, but I really don't care.

I've had a good year financially (at least for myself) I'm thinking about buyin a house (they're cheap here) but if I do that I won't have money to pay taxes. Of course, buying a house might take care of the taxes somehow. Of course, buying a house will mean a lot of extra expenses. I'll be so poor. But I'll be a home owner. Chicks dig homeowners. Right? Actually, in some ways, it'd be nice to not have those two major distractions in life cable and internet. I could finally take up origami... nah.

Kansas has been on my mind. It's too early to tell, but I want to. I've already said too much. Silence brings drama. Drama brings interest. Interest brings... um... something good... I hope. Newtek started in Kansas. Playing games you're unfamiliar with can be unsettling. Can I hold a poker face? I'll try but it could fail if the right card shows up. If that happens I hope I don't lose it all. The stakes are higher than usual. Losing *can* be your salvation. For fear of blues eyes reading, my fingers will stop.

cryptus

So kBeth, what now?

again the pressure builds. things must get done. things must be moved. computers must get fixed. processors must be installed. i'm not sure i want to tackle any of it. but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Do you know those motivational posters with the nice picture and a word like "determination" and a sentence expressing a motivational thought?

Despair, Inc. sells a very similar product. Demotivational posters. A cynical and sarcastic treatment of corporate office art.

What I Should've Said

A couple of times, when working in PA I had a couple of opportunities to share my faith with people I worked with. I fumbled and stammered and I can't even remember what I said on one of those occasions, but this is probably closer to what I should've said:

The core of what I believe is this. We are born with a rebellious, "me first" attitude that separates us from our Creator God. We have inherited what is called a sin nature. We cannot be perfectly good, and to be honest, we rarely want to be good. Even some of our "good deeds" are done with prideful and dishonest motivations.

This "sin nature" that we have is the exact opposite of who God is. The core of our being is at odds with His very nature. Our rebellious spirit is rebelling against Him. How can we hope for Heaven and a relationship with the very person who we're rebelling against?

But he loves us. Even in our fallen, rebellious state he loves us. But as I've said there's a fundamental barrier that separates us from Him. We've committed crimes against Him and we have to be punished. We deserve separation from Him, and a lot of us want it that way. But that's where Jesus came in. God loved us so much that He sent his only son, a part of Him, to live with us and to be us. He lived a perfect life and yet he was executed by crucifixion. He died the death of a criminal in our place. He took the sins of the whole world, every wrong thing ever done, everything that is opposite of who He is, He upon himself and died in them. He paid the penalty for our sin. He was dead so He was put a tomb, laid to rest. Everyone who knew Him and loved Him on earth was distraught. Their friend and their spiritual leader was dead. Even though he had predicted his own death, they weren't ready for it. But a few days later, on the day we celebrate as Easter, He rose from the dead. He had conquered both sin and death for us. He made a way for us to be with God. He said: "I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes through the father except by me." He is the only way to Heaven. He is the only way to a relationship with our Creator. God gave us a way to escape our fate.

It says in the Bible, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved"

This Salvation is a gift. We can't earn our salvation. The problem isn't so much with the bad things we do, it's with the reason we've done bad things: the fallen nature of our hearts. We can't be good enough to get into heaven. We can, however, "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ" and the Bible says, we "will be saved."


---- This last part is from www.romansroad.com I wanted you to see the actual behind what I am saying---


The ROMANS ROAD is a pathway you can walk.
It is a group of bible verses from the book of Romans in the New Testament.
If you walk down this road you will end up understanding how to be saved.



Romans 3:23
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
We all have sin in our hearts. We all were born with sin. We were born under the power of sin's control.
Admit that you are a sinner.


Romans 6:23a
"...The wages of sin is death..."
Sin has an ending. It results in death. We all face physical death, which is a result of sin.
But a worse death is spiritual death that alienates us from God, and will last for all eternity.
The Bible does plainly teach that there is a place called the Lake of Fire where lost people will be in torment forever.
It is the place where people end up that remain spiritually dead.
Understand that you deserve death for your sin.

Romans 6:23b
"...But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Salvation is a free gift from God to you! We can't earn this gift, but we must reach out and receive it.
Ask God to forgive you and save you.

Romans 5:8
"God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!"
When Jesus died on the cross He paid sin's penalty. He paid the cosmic price for all sin, and when He took all the sins of the world on Himself on the cross, He bought us out of slavery to sin and death! The only condition is that we believe in Him and what He has done for us, understanding that we are now joined with Him, and that He is our life.
Because He loved us and gave Himself for us!
Give your life to God... His love poured out in Jesus on the cross is your only hope to have forgiveness and change. His love bought you out of being a slave to sin. His love is what saves you. Not religion, or church membership.
God loves you! And reaches you right where you are.

Romans 10:13
"Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved!"
Call out to God in the name of Jesus!

Romans 10:9,10
"...If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."
If you know that God is knocking on your heart door,
ask Him to come into your heart.


Jesus said,
Revelation 3:20a
"Behold I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him..."
Is Jesus knocking on your heart's door?


Believe in Him. Ask Him to come in to your heart by faith, and ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Open the bible to the gospel of John and read what God says about Jesus, about you, and about being born again. God will help you. He loves you.
You need to look for a local church where God's word is preached. The Bible says that we are to desire God's word like a newborn baby desires mother's milk.
Aren't you hungry to know the truth?


Water baptism is one of the ways you first show that you have been joined to Jesus. The symbolism is this: When you go down in the water you show that You have been crucified and buried with Him, And when you come up out of the water you show that
you have been raised to walk with Him in newness of life. (See Romans chapter 6)


You have been born again. (See John chapter 3) Your body has become God's temple. Your heart is where He lives. Forgiveness is yours in Jesus. And you belong to Him. You were sin's slave. But now...You are a child of GOD!


John 1:12
"As many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God,
even to those who believe in His name!"