I'm getting tired. you know, just now. it's getting late. I'd go to bed the first episode of Inuyasha is on. I've seen a few episodes of the series but didn't know how it started. Some things make a bit more sense now. it just finished and now I want to see the next episodes. I'm not set up to record stuff off TV right now. I don't know how much I'll misunderstand because I really don't know much about Japan's feudal history, its mythology and religious beliefs. Anime TV series are more more interesting when you watch them from the beginning.

Okay I'm a little less tired than when I started writing this... I should go to be before starting Big-O.... too late it's started.... and it's Act 1 as well. No sleep for me tonight.

have a good one.

Many moons have past since I've written last.

Well, stuff has happened. great stuff. and some not so great. hey, I'm 30 now. I haven't really thought about it much but my friends made a big deal out of it. Most of them are in their mid twenties or so. Anyway, they threw me a surprize birthday party. I can't tell you how surprized I was. When someone makes you wear a blindfold and get in a car, you get a little suspicious. Most of my friends (or at least the inner circle) took me out for steak and Ena invited some of the others to Mike's place to play games. It didn't take much to figure out that's where I was headed. They tried to surprize me by having no one at the party at first. When the blindfold was lifted only Daryll was there sitting on the couch watching a documentary. Yay, big party. But then a couple of my nephews jumped out and yelled "surprize!" I can honestly say that I didn't expect my sister and her family to show up. That was cool. Matt Uncapher showed up later. I was surprized at his appearance and impressed that he took the time to drive down from Charlottesville after being up since 4am and driving up there from N.C. that same day. My friends even got me a new PC game that I wanted. It weren't not a cheap one neither.

Thanks again guys for your generosity and support. I probably don't deserve to have you all as friends.

Back in PA. It's only been a day. Already I am bored. I don't have many friends in the area anymore. Not too many people to do things with or too many things to do. I want to get over to Harrisburg to see Santa Vs. The Snowman 3D at the IMAX theater. I don't know when I'll do that though. The big family get together has moved from Sat to Sun and has shrunk a little because my sis Carol isn't coming down. I'd be more bummed if I ever got to know and enjoy my siblings, but I'm ten years younger than the next youngest. I barely remember living with most of them and I'm not sure if those memories are momories of events or memories of photos of the events.

Maybe I'll go back down to Lynchburg before New Years. Most of my friends will be back in town by then and I can get back to work on the UVA arena project... and possibly get started on my online character animation course.

I don't mean to complain. I just don't know what to do here. :)

My old car died. I bought a new(er) one. I could've disposed of the old one in a more profitable manner, but at least I don't owe anything on it. The new car is a 1999 Nissan Altima. It's a good car in good condition at a good price. It may even be a great car in great condition at a great price. I haven't decided yet. It's not a sportscar though. :^/


When I got my new car, I had to get a new staff parking sticker. I thought it was odd that the officer issuing the sticker didn't bother to check my ID. Then I realized that my staff parking sticker is not a privilege. It's more like a punishment. I have to park farther away from work than freshmen have to park from classes. Maybe the distance is about the same. Oh well, I understand the need and I know other campuses have it worse. I just don't like how it feels to go from somewhat privileged to somewhat banished. They still haven't put in the covered bus stops they promised. :) Some things just don't change.


What about Kansas? Well, nothing. I think I *could've* loved her. I stand chanceless. It wasn't an option. Maybe I gave up too easily. I don't want to be a nuisance. Adios my acquaintance.

What's the point of writing if it won't be understood. It's an outlet. I don't care if most of you figure out what I'm talking about. In fact, if you ask me I'll tell you (depending on who "you" are). I doubt that this will be read much anyway.

Today was a good day.
It's good to feel productive. I was able to tell help someone solve a problem on the phone before even getting up.

I finished the Final Exit DVD last night and this morning I got it ready to ship to the guy who'll put it on a DLT. Yeah, that doesn't mean much to many of you. It just means I'm done with it and it should be in duplication in a week or two.

I went to work [late] to discover that the router wasn't working. They had tried turning it on and off via the circuit breaker. They checked the fuses. They called tech support. I unplugged the power chords from the back and tried to unplug another cable, but was unsuccessful with that one. When I plugged them back in the router and control panels worked properly. I don't know how anything I did was different from what they did by turning the breaker on and off. Maybe one of the cables I tried to unplug had vibrated loose somehow and I settled it back into place. Erick (my boss) was so relieved that it was working again and he didn't have to send it in for service, he said I could take the day off. I stayed and worked on some graphics for the recruiting video. I may have to leave work early tomorrow because one of my sisters from PA will be coming down.

After work I bought a couple pair of khakis and a couple pair of jeans. They were on sale and I sort of need them. Then I had a little meeting with Tim and Mike. I went home, winterized my room, scarfed down some pizza and went to Bible study. After that I watched the bonus features on the Finding Nemo DVD and then some TV.

so that's a good day for me. Probably none of the events I mentioned make the difference in whether a day is good or bad. It may be the things between the events that make a day good or bad, depending on the events I guess.

I'm tired. I'm babbling. I'm watching TV. I'm thinking you probably didn't read the inventory of my day. If you did, Thanks.

struck out again
at least I know early this time
the feelings she doesn't have for me
no great build up of emotion
no small collection of pining poems
only 2 pages of things I remembered about her
from last friday and the few talks before

I don't think I trully believed
that she was interested in me
I was hopeful, to be sure
it had to be either a miscommunication
or a fluke of nature
but still, past performance is not
indicative of future results

hope is still cautiously here

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On a lighter note I got The Innocence Mission's "Befriended" CD and I really dig it. The music is sparse, melacholy, fragile and beautiful. I can't quite make out what she's singing without the help of the lyric sheet, but I really don't care.

I've had a good year financially (at least for myself) I'm thinking about buyin a house (they're cheap here) but if I do that I won't have money to pay taxes. Of course, buying a house might take care of the taxes somehow. Of course, buying a house will mean a lot of extra expenses. I'll be so poor. But I'll be a home owner. Chicks dig homeowners. Right? Actually, in some ways, it'd be nice to not have those two major distractions in life cable and internet. I could finally take up origami... nah.

Kansas has been on my mind. It's too early to tell, but I want to. I've already said too much. Silence brings drama. Drama brings interest. Interest brings... um... something good... I hope. Newtek started in Kansas. Playing games you're unfamiliar with can be unsettling. Can I hold a poker face? I'll try but it could fail if the right card shows up. If that happens I hope I don't lose it all. The stakes are higher than usual. Losing *can* be your salvation. For fear of blues eyes reading, my fingers will stop.

cryptus

So kBeth, what now?

again the pressure builds. things must get done. things must be moved. computers must get fixed. processors must be installed. i'm not sure i want to tackle any of it. but you gotta do what you gotta do.