I must admit I'm feeling melancholly tonight. Okay, I don't HAVE to admit it but I'll say it anyway. I'm not feeling particularly lonely but I do miss having a girlfriend to spend time with. Actually, you can't miss what you haven't had. I guess it's best to say that I wish I had a girlfriend to spend too much time with. It's so desert here. I'm sure I'm harboring faulty ideas of what goes on in healthy relationships. I'm sure some (or most) of what I expect in a relationship is misplaced or even completely false. blah blah blah... I'm whining again. My loneliness is a puny problem in the big (or even the medium) picture.

Oh bother...

Actually, things are going fairly well for me. I simply have a tendency to get blue when I'm tired.

good night.

Hello again,
I amaze myself sometimes. I'm not amazed at how great I am (or think I am). I'm amazed at how I can drag my feet on stuff, how I don't speak up when I should and how I see obstacles where others see potential. I'm not so bad that it paralyses me. I'm not phobic about stuff. I don't fear the air I breathe. I do marvel, though, at how I seem to make life out to be more difficult than it is. Actually, I'm sure there are things I over simplify or simply block out because they're too complex. I guess it's all just an elaborate coping mechanism that I've built for myself. It's flawed, I'll admit to that. Sometimes I feel that it may be a little debilitating... then again maybe I'm just being paranoid. ; )

[Me: I really like the way he lists symptoms of schizophrenia and then dismisses them with another symptom of schizophrenia]

[Myself: and I really like the way he speaks as different people when he's commenting on his jokes about mental illness]

[I: I'm thirsty... let's all go get a Vanilla Coke]

[Me: Nah, it's too late. I'm just gonna get a drink of water then go to bed]

[Myself: That's the best idea I've heard yet.]