They always come in pairs. Whenever I think I'm starting to like a specific girl another one comes along at nearly the same time. I'm not talking about cheating on someone. I haven't gotten close enough to someone to cheat on them. It's just wierd how things roll into my life. Maybe this whole multiple crush thing is something I do to myself because I don't want to be happy. That's pretty darn twisted.

Anyway, right now there are a few women I'm trying to get to know better. I don't know if any of you are right for me but I see something in you that I like. I don't know if I should write this kind of stuff here. I fear scaring you away. I'm afraid you'll think I'm too strange or too desperate.

On the other hand, maybe you will like my openness and applaude my willingness to communicate. I can picture this little thing getting out of hand. Soon I'll have weblog groupies from all over the world hanging on my every word. I'll be getting fanmail and marriage proposals from beautiful women from exotic lands. I'll be the first weblog author to get my own TV show. I'll singlehandedly reignite the nation's passion for the written word. There will be many others posting their random thoughts online because of my work here. I'm not the first to do this, not by a long shot, but I will be remembered as the best. Then at the apex of my weblogging career I'll emerge from clouds and realize that I'm still alone. I'll weep bitter tears of regret. I'll pine for the day when I could've had someone before I went off chasing the dream of fame. I'll wish that just you and I were together sharing a modest home somewhere somewhat rural. Just you, me, a couple of kids and a big screen, high definition TV in a house full of love.

A snapshot, a few dozen instant messenges and commentary from a friend are all that I have. They aren't enough and are poor substitutes for actually spending time together. When we finally meet face to face will it feel as if we've always known each other? Will the conversation flow or will it feel akward and forced?

I don't know she thinks of me. I think she's wary. As for my thoughts toward her, I am intrigued. Part of me that wants to marry someone from a similar background as me. That way communication, the life blood of relationships, has fewer obstacles. While our families are seemingly very different we do have similar educational backgrounds. I get the impression that she isn't as cynikal about her past as I am about mine. That is, most likely, a good thing. Background is only one thing. Do I find her attractive? Yes. The picture I have isn't a great one but she looks like someone I'd enjoy looking at for a while. What about her personality? I don't know. We seem to connect well online but that is so very limited. She says she likes to laugh. I like to make people laugh.

That settles it. We're a perfect match. Let's get married. What's your last name again? Never mind it's going to change anyway. What? This is going to fast for you? I'm starting to freak you out? What do you mean I can't call you anymore? I think the restraining order was a bit over kill don't you? Lo? Baby?

Yeah, I know. I think too much sometimes. Just call me "Dana 'overly analytical' Burman"
Does saying the 'm' word so early in an aquaintanceship make one sound too desperate?

Next time we'll discuss how easiy my hopes rise and brutally they get smashed by women who value (or tolerate) my friendship but won't admit to themselves that they're attracted to me.

Yesterday I spent a considerable amount of time typing something in and then the computer froze. I don't feel like repeating what I was saying even though you may have enjoyed it. Oh well, too bad for you.

You know what? I really don't feel like saying much now either. So I won't. :)

Today (yesterday) has been a mixed bag of stuff. On the upside I finished my new demo reel to show off some of the graphics and visual effects I've worked on. I might have to edit together another little reel to show my animation projects. That'll be a pretty short one :)

The bummer thing of the day was that I screwed up my computer. I was trying to fix a problem I was having between my firewire card and a piece of software I use. Now I can't install the drivers for the firewire card so now I can't use it for anything. I'm looking at maybe reinstalling the whole operating system because of this. I think I messed things up by trying to use windows 98 drivers in windows 2000. Now when I try to install the drivers it keeps asking for a file I don't have. I'm sure this is boring most of you :)

SOMEONE was supposed to email her schedule for this week to me. It's the weekend now and I haven't heard from her. I guess she doesn't want to hang out. What a bummer.

Oh well, I'm chatting with some people on-line now so I guess I should go.

I like vanilla coke. I just thought I'd let you all know.

Sometimes I think I should start another blog. That way I can write about all the people around me without the fear of them knowing what I'm thinking. It's not always something bad, but I guess I like to keep my thoughts to myself (as evidenced by this note published on the world wide web). Also, I don't want you all thinking that I'm so terribly depressed all the time and if I wrote everything I felt like writing you might get that impression. I don't think it'd be an accurate impression either. I tend to write stuff as an outlet when I'm feeling down and not write anything when I'm feeling fine. So if I only write when I'm sad and you read everything I write you'd think I was sad all the time and that just isn't the case. I'm only sad 98% of the time :)

I just spent a half hour or so writing about a couple of my favorite things. You're not seeing that because somehow, after I finished it and while I was editing it a little bit, it disappeared. I accidentally clicked on something and it was gone.

I'm too tired to go through it again so here's the short of it. The music of Over The Rhine (particularly the "Good Dog, Bad Dog" album) in the warm, breezy summer night air is nearly heavenly for me.

I also described a car commercial that captures the feeling.

Maybe I'll wax poetic about it again later. I'm getting too tired.

This is a response to an email a friend of mine sent me. It has some of the autobiographical stuff that I imagine is in some other people's blog.

---------------------------------
You had me at hello,

Just kidding.
Actually, I think it'd be cool to get with you on some of this stuff. Perhaps not in a completely active role for now, but I am interested. As of right now I don't feel 'called' to this, but I guess it isn't out of the question. I'm not really sure what my 'calling' or mission in life is. Sure, I do the Christian film thing and I want to avoid working on immoral stuff, but I kind of fell into it. Okay, I stepped into it. I did quit a job I was tired of in order to work on Escape from Hell, but I don't think I want to be tied to DRC Productions forever. I don't know, maybe I will specialize in effects for Christian (or Christian-ish) projects. It seems like I'm just along for the ride right now. I enjoy it, but my heart isn't into it as much as I'd like. Then again, motivation and ambition have always been on the weak side for me. I'm thinking it's a situation where attitude is the difference. I should just choose to be a VFX artist as a ministry rather than a profession. At least then I'd have an excuse for not making the big bucks :) But you weren't asking for a rambling description of vocational self-doubt. My point is that (Christian) game development/animation might very well be in my future. It may already be in my present.

So yes, I am interested but I'm not as gung-ho about it as you are. I don't what to promise more than I'm willing to deliver. We should discuss this stuff over the phone or in person.

TTYL,
Dana

Well, it's been a couple of days since I started this here thing. I don't really want to take the time to write anything now but I feel I should. If I'm ever going to generate a fanbase for this thing I'll have to write stuff :)

Maybe I'll write something tomorrow.

This is a test, This is the first entry. I don't know how much I'll use this, but I thought I'd give it a go.