... in a room full of people sharing their insights. I wondered if this was how heresy develops. At some point is seemed like it'd get into the spiral of everyone reading their translation in a futile attempt to understand. I held my tongue to avoid adding to the eddy. The spin was broken and we drifted on down the river. I've been in that vortex before... and was bored. There are times I wish that cynicism didn't come so easily for me. At times I've blamed the church I grew up in for my state of mind. The feeling that the world was against us in an active, oppressive way was very real in that place. Perhaps the blame for my mental habit sits more comfortably on my friend Matt. You are who you hang out with... at least to some extent. I was never so charming and I left town before things got messy. Maybe I was the control rod keeping things straight. I doubt I had that much influence. The seeds were planted. What would I be if I had stayed? Am I really that much better off? I'm fairly content with my life as it is. I do wish I had a woman to hold, I feel the pull of instinct and intent, but "it's not like shopping for a car" and I don't want just anyone. "It's better to live on the corner of a roof that share a house with a quarrelsome woman."

It's not all about me... It's just that I'm closer to myself than anyone else.