Once again I am writing out of a sense of duty. A duty I have to tell you things via this blog. I don't have anything specific that I want to say. Actually, I do want to tell you why I haven't written anything lately. I have no great excuse for my silence (not that typing is that loud anyway) except to say that I do most of this kind of writing at night and I don't have a handy internet connection at home right now. This time I'm using my room mate's aol connection but since I don't know his password I can't use it at will.

I'm guessing that there aren't any regular readers of this blog anyway. If I want to develop a following (which I doubt I will and if I do I imagine they'll tire of it after a month or so... if not sooner) I'll have to write more often. I could do a theme. I could tell all that's happening in my love life but I really don't have that much to say. Besides I'd feel pretty wierd writing about someone who could read what I was thinking about her etc. Maybe that's just me being paranoid again.

Hey, I'm going to stop here. have a good day.

Well, I don't really feel like saying anything but I think it's time to add to the log. I'm a bit tired and maybe a bit down.

Do you ever get the feeling that you've been lying to yourself for a long time? I feel like that sometimes. I assume that I'm not good at something so I might not attempt it for fear of being or feeling embarassed.

Lately I've been trying some new things and finding that I'm not as bad as I thought I'd be. Most of the things I'm talking about are sports related. My bowling game is getting better. I found I can hit better than I thought I could in the batting cages (albiet just the slow pitch soft ball). I tried to play golf a couple of times and the guys I was with had some encouraging things to say to me. Well, at least the first time I played they seemed somewhat impressed. The second time, however, I played horribly. The clubs I was using weren't as nice as those I used the first time I played, but that couldn't be the sole reason for my poor performance. Saturday I went out and hit some tennis balls around with some friends. There are some things I'm naturally good at. Tennis and golf aren't in that category. Maybe If I were to learn some of the basics I'd find that I really am generally adept at those sports. I'm not inclined to invest the time required to find out.

Maybe I'm just turning out to be more average than I ever imagined myself being.

Am I not meant to have a blog? I finally got around to writing something. It took a fairly substantial amount of time to write (>10 minutes <1 hour). I had put some links in it (for over the rhine and paste music) then clicked on "post" and poof. Error message. I lost all I wrote. Luckily it wasn't much, but it was something.

Wow, it's been a few days since I've said anything. Since then I spent a day at an amusement park (Kings Dominion near Richmond, Virginia), worked, slept, spent time with a friend discussing possible business/project collaborations and watched too much TV. Oh yeah, I also updated my website and posted an incomplete but functional new 'professional' site.

At King's Dominion I had a good time. It has been years since I've been there. There are more roller coasters now, but they got rid of some of the fun non-coaster rides. That made me a little sad, but the coasters were fun. Since it was a Wednesday and not a holiday the crowds weren't bad. There were only 2 times when we had to wait 45+ minutes for a ride. One of those waits was for a ride that lasted 20 seconds or so. Yes it's disproportionate, but now I have an idea of what it's like to be launched from an aircraft carrier while straped to the nose of an F/A 18 Hornet :) Generally I think of myself as not having fun (as if there were virtue in being emotionally numb) but many of the photos taken on the coasters featured me with a big ridiculous grin. Now when people as me what I like I can say fast acceleration and speed. That's not to say I didn't get bored from time to time on some of the rides, but it was a good day.

They always come in pairs. Whenever I think I'm starting to like a specific girl another one comes along at nearly the same time. I'm not talking about cheating on someone. I haven't gotten close enough to someone to cheat on them. It's just wierd how things roll into my life. Maybe this whole multiple crush thing is something I do to myself because I don't want to be happy. That's pretty darn twisted.

Anyway, right now there are a few women I'm trying to get to know better. I don't know if any of you are right for me but I see something in you that I like. I don't know if I should write this kind of stuff here. I fear scaring you away. I'm afraid you'll think I'm too strange or too desperate.

On the other hand, maybe you will like my openness and applaude my willingness to communicate. I can picture this little thing getting out of hand. Soon I'll have weblog groupies from all over the world hanging on my every word. I'll be getting fanmail and marriage proposals from beautiful women from exotic lands. I'll be the first weblog author to get my own TV show. I'll singlehandedly reignite the nation's passion for the written word. There will be many others posting their random thoughts online because of my work here. I'm not the first to do this, not by a long shot, but I will be remembered as the best. Then at the apex of my weblogging career I'll emerge from clouds and realize that I'm still alone. I'll weep bitter tears of regret. I'll pine for the day when I could've had someone before I went off chasing the dream of fame. I'll wish that just you and I were together sharing a modest home somewhere somewhat rural. Just you, me, a couple of kids and a big screen, high definition TV in a house full of love.

A snapshot, a few dozen instant messenges and commentary from a friend are all that I have. They aren't enough and are poor substitutes for actually spending time together. When we finally meet face to face will it feel as if we've always known each other? Will the conversation flow or will it feel akward and forced?

I don't know she thinks of me. I think she's wary. As for my thoughts toward her, I am intrigued. Part of me that wants to marry someone from a similar background as me. That way communication, the life blood of relationships, has fewer obstacles. While our families are seemingly very different we do have similar educational backgrounds. I get the impression that she isn't as cynikal about her past as I am about mine. That is, most likely, a good thing. Background is only one thing. Do I find her attractive? Yes. The picture I have isn't a great one but she looks like someone I'd enjoy looking at for a while. What about her personality? I don't know. We seem to connect well online but that is so very limited. She says she likes to laugh. I like to make people laugh.

That settles it. We're a perfect match. Let's get married. What's your last name again? Never mind it's going to change anyway. What? This is going to fast for you? I'm starting to freak you out? What do you mean I can't call you anymore? I think the restraining order was a bit over kill don't you? Lo? Baby?

Yeah, I know. I think too much sometimes. Just call me "Dana 'overly analytical' Burman"
Does saying the 'm' word so early in an aquaintanceship make one sound too desperate?

Next time we'll discuss how easiy my hopes rise and brutally they get smashed by women who value (or tolerate) my friendship but won't admit to themselves that they're attracted to me.

Yesterday I spent a considerable amount of time typing something in and then the computer froze. I don't feel like repeating what I was saying even though you may have enjoyed it. Oh well, too bad for you.

You know what? I really don't feel like saying much now either. So I won't. :)

Today (yesterday) has been a mixed bag of stuff. On the upside I finished my new demo reel to show off some of the graphics and visual effects I've worked on. I might have to edit together another little reel to show my animation projects. That'll be a pretty short one :)

The bummer thing of the day was that I screwed up my computer. I was trying to fix a problem I was having between my firewire card and a piece of software I use. Now I can't install the drivers for the firewire card so now I can't use it for anything. I'm looking at maybe reinstalling the whole operating system because of this. I think I messed things up by trying to use windows 98 drivers in windows 2000. Now when I try to install the drivers it keeps asking for a file I don't have. I'm sure this is boring most of you :)

SOMEONE was supposed to email her schedule for this week to me. It's the weekend now and I haven't heard from her. I guess she doesn't want to hang out. What a bummer.

Oh well, I'm chatting with some people on-line now so I guess I should go.

I like vanilla coke. I just thought I'd let you all know.

Sometimes I think I should start another blog. That way I can write about all the people around me without the fear of them knowing what I'm thinking. It's not always something bad, but I guess I like to keep my thoughts to myself (as evidenced by this note published on the world wide web). Also, I don't want you all thinking that I'm so terribly depressed all the time and if I wrote everything I felt like writing you might get that impression. I don't think it'd be an accurate impression either. I tend to write stuff as an outlet when I'm feeling down and not write anything when I'm feeling fine. So if I only write when I'm sad and you read everything I write you'd think I was sad all the time and that just isn't the case. I'm only sad 98% of the time :)