Back in PA. It's only been a day. Already I am bored. I don't have many friends in the area anymore. Not too many people to do things with or too many things to do. I want to get over to Harrisburg to see Santa Vs. The Snowman 3D at the IMAX theater. I don't know when I'll do that though. The big family get together has moved from Sat to Sun and has shrunk a little because my sis Carol isn't coming down. I'd be more bummed if I ever got to know and enjoy my siblings, but I'm ten years younger than the next youngest. I barely remember living with most of them and I'm not sure if those memories are momories of events or memories of photos of the events.

Maybe I'll go back down to Lynchburg before New Years. Most of my friends will be back in town by then and I can get back to work on the UVA arena project... and possibly get started on my online character animation course.

I don't mean to complain. I just don't know what to do here. :)

My old car died. I bought a new(er) one. I could've disposed of the old one in a more profitable manner, but at least I don't owe anything on it. The new car is a 1999 Nissan Altima. It's a good car in good condition at a good price. It may even be a great car in great condition at a great price. I haven't decided yet. It's not a sportscar though. :^/


When I got my new car, I had to get a new staff parking sticker. I thought it was odd that the officer issuing the sticker didn't bother to check my ID. Then I realized that my staff parking sticker is not a privilege. It's more like a punishment. I have to park farther away from work than freshmen have to park from classes. Maybe the distance is about the same. Oh well, I understand the need and I know other campuses have it worse. I just don't like how it feels to go from somewhat privileged to somewhat banished. They still haven't put in the covered bus stops they promised. :) Some things just don't change.


What about Kansas? Well, nothing. I think I *could've* loved her. I stand chanceless. It wasn't an option. Maybe I gave up too easily. I don't want to be a nuisance. Adios my acquaintance.

What's the point of writing if it won't be understood. It's an outlet. I don't care if most of you figure out what I'm talking about. In fact, if you ask me I'll tell you (depending on who "you" are). I doubt that this will be read much anyway.

Today was a good day.
It's good to feel productive. I was able to tell help someone solve a problem on the phone before even getting up.

I finished the Final Exit DVD last night and this morning I got it ready to ship to the guy who'll put it on a DLT. Yeah, that doesn't mean much to many of you. It just means I'm done with it and it should be in duplication in a week or two.

I went to work [late] to discover that the router wasn't working. They had tried turning it on and off via the circuit breaker. They checked the fuses. They called tech support. I unplugged the power chords from the back and tried to unplug another cable, but was unsuccessful with that one. When I plugged them back in the router and control panels worked properly. I don't know how anything I did was different from what they did by turning the breaker on and off. Maybe one of the cables I tried to unplug had vibrated loose somehow and I settled it back into place. Erick (my boss) was so relieved that it was working again and he didn't have to send it in for service, he said I could take the day off. I stayed and worked on some graphics for the recruiting video. I may have to leave work early tomorrow because one of my sisters from PA will be coming down.

After work I bought a couple pair of khakis and a couple pair of jeans. They were on sale and I sort of need them. Then I had a little meeting with Tim and Mike. I went home, winterized my room, scarfed down some pizza and went to Bible study. After that I watched the bonus features on the Finding Nemo DVD and then some TV.

so that's a good day for me. Probably none of the events I mentioned make the difference in whether a day is good or bad. It may be the things between the events that make a day good or bad, depending on the events I guess.

I'm tired. I'm babbling. I'm watching TV. I'm thinking you probably didn't read the inventory of my day. If you did, Thanks.

struck out again
at least I know early this time
the feelings she doesn't have for me
no great build up of emotion
no small collection of pining poems
only 2 pages of things I remembered about her
from last friday and the few talks before

I don't think I trully believed
that she was interested in me
I was hopeful, to be sure
it had to be either a miscommunication
or a fluke of nature
but still, past performance is not
indicative of future results

hope is still cautiously here

------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note I got The Innocence Mission's "Befriended" CD and I really dig it. The music is sparse, melacholy, fragile and beautiful. I can't quite make out what she's singing without the help of the lyric sheet, but I really don't care.

I've had a good year financially (at least for myself) I'm thinking about buyin a house (they're cheap here) but if I do that I won't have money to pay taxes. Of course, buying a house might take care of the taxes somehow. Of course, buying a house will mean a lot of extra expenses. I'll be so poor. But I'll be a home owner. Chicks dig homeowners. Right? Actually, in some ways, it'd be nice to not have those two major distractions in life cable and internet. I could finally take up origami... nah.

Kansas has been on my mind. It's too early to tell, but I want to. I've already said too much. Silence brings drama. Drama brings interest. Interest brings... um... something good... I hope. Newtek started in Kansas. Playing games you're unfamiliar with can be unsettling. Can I hold a poker face? I'll try but it could fail if the right card shows up. If that happens I hope I don't lose it all. The stakes are higher than usual. Losing *can* be your salvation. For fear of blues eyes reading, my fingers will stop.

cryptus

So kBeth, what now?

again the pressure builds. things must get done. things must be moved. computers must get fixed. processors must be installed. i'm not sure i want to tackle any of it. but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Do you know those motivational posters with the nice picture and a word like "determination" and a sentence expressing a motivational thought?

Despair, Inc. sells a very similar product. Demotivational posters. A cynical and sarcastic treatment of corporate office art.

What I Should've Said

A couple of times, when working in PA I had a couple of opportunities to share my faith with people I worked with. I fumbled and stammered and I can't even remember what I said on one of those occasions, but this is probably closer to what I should've said:

The core of what I believe is this. We are born with a rebellious, "me first" attitude that separates us from our Creator God. We have inherited what is called a sin nature. We cannot be perfectly good, and to be honest, we rarely want to be good. Even some of our "good deeds" are done with prideful and dishonest motivations.

This "sin nature" that we have is the exact opposite of who God is. The core of our being is at odds with His very nature. Our rebellious spirit is rebelling against Him. How can we hope for Heaven and a relationship with the very person who we're rebelling against?

But he loves us. Even in our fallen, rebellious state he loves us. But as I've said there's a fundamental barrier that separates us from Him. We've committed crimes against Him and we have to be punished. We deserve separation from Him, and a lot of us want it that way. But that's where Jesus came in. God loved us so much that He sent his only son, a part of Him, to live with us and to be us. He lived a perfect life and yet he was executed by crucifixion. He died the death of a criminal in our place. He took the sins of the whole world, every wrong thing ever done, everything that is opposite of who He is, He upon himself and died in them. He paid the penalty for our sin. He was dead so He was put a tomb, laid to rest. Everyone who knew Him and loved Him on earth was distraught. Their friend and their spiritual leader was dead. Even though he had predicted his own death, they weren't ready for it. But a few days later, on the day we celebrate as Easter, He rose from the dead. He had conquered both sin and death for us. He made a way for us to be with God. He said: "I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes through the father except by me." He is the only way to Heaven. He is the only way to a relationship with our Creator. God gave us a way to escape our fate.

It says in the Bible, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved"

This Salvation is a gift. We can't earn our salvation. The problem isn't so much with the bad things we do, it's with the reason we've done bad things: the fallen nature of our hearts. We can't be good enough to get into heaven. We can, however, "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ" and the Bible says, we "will be saved."


---- This last part is from www.romansroad.com I wanted you to see the actual behind what I am saying---


The ROMANS ROAD is a pathway you can walk.
It is a group of bible verses from the book of Romans in the New Testament.
If you walk down this road you will end up understanding how to be saved.



Romans 3:23
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
We all have sin in our hearts. We all were born with sin. We were born under the power of sin's control.
Admit that you are a sinner.


Romans 6:23a
"...The wages of sin is death..."
Sin has an ending. It results in death. We all face physical death, which is a result of sin.
But a worse death is spiritual death that alienates us from God, and will last for all eternity.
The Bible does plainly teach that there is a place called the Lake of Fire where lost people will be in torment forever.
It is the place where people end up that remain spiritually dead.
Understand that you deserve death for your sin.

Romans 6:23b
"...But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Salvation is a free gift from God to you! We can't earn this gift, but we must reach out and receive it.
Ask God to forgive you and save you.

Romans 5:8
"God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!"
When Jesus died on the cross He paid sin's penalty. He paid the cosmic price for all sin, and when He took all the sins of the world on Himself on the cross, He bought us out of slavery to sin and death! The only condition is that we believe in Him and what He has done for us, understanding that we are now joined with Him, and that He is our life.
Because He loved us and gave Himself for us!
Give your life to God... His love poured out in Jesus on the cross is your only hope to have forgiveness and change. His love bought you out of being a slave to sin. His love is what saves you. Not religion, or church membership.
God loves you! And reaches you right where you are.

Romans 10:13
"Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved!"
Call out to God in the name of Jesus!

Romans 10:9,10
"...If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."
If you know that God is knocking on your heart door,
ask Him to come into your heart.


Jesus said,
Revelation 3:20a
"Behold I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him..."
Is Jesus knocking on your heart's door?


Believe in Him. Ask Him to come in to your heart by faith, and ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Open the bible to the gospel of John and read what God says about Jesus, about you, and about being born again. God will help you. He loves you.
You need to look for a local church where God's word is preached. The Bible says that we are to desire God's word like a newborn baby desires mother's milk.
Aren't you hungry to know the truth?


Water baptism is one of the ways you first show that you have been joined to Jesus. The symbolism is this: When you go down in the water you show that You have been crucified and buried with Him, And when you come up out of the water you show that
you have been raised to walk with Him in newness of life. (See Romans chapter 6)


You have been born again. (See John chapter 3) Your body has become God's temple. Your heart is where He lives. Forgiveness is yours in Jesus. And you belong to Him. You were sin's slave. But now...You are a child of GOD!


John 1:12
"As many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God,
even to those who believe in His name!"

yay, only one of the monitors ddn't work right. And my friend Matt gave me a couple of good 19" monitors because they weren't being used and were taking up too much space. Now I have a surplus of monitors. Does anyone out there want to buy a monitor or 3? :)

I spent most of today at an auction at UVA. Tim Ena and Mike were there too, but I drove separately from them because I had a meeting to go to. I am doing a freelance job for someone in UVA's sports marketing dept. They're trying to raise money for a new basketball arena and I've been hired to help make some 3D animations of the new facilities to help sell suites to potential investors. I need to start working on it. For some reason I don't think it'll take too long, but if I'm wrong it would be better for me to find out now instead of later.

I talked on the phone to Myriam for about 35 minutes tonight.
"Forget about him," I said " you should go out with me."
"I'd love to," she replied, trying, unsuccessfully, to hide her excitement. "I thought you'd never ask."

Okay I didn't say that and so she couldn't reply that way... Not that she WOULD reply that way.

We ate lunch with Matt at a Thai restaurant in Charlottesville. I had... ummm... Pad .. no, I can't remember the name. It was egg noodles with meat and gravy. It was okay, but the noodles were slippery and therefore hard to eat.

Apiradee, if you happen to be reading this, yes this is similar to the email I sent you. I figured I'd just post it here as well. The email came first, I just wanted you to know that. :)

Well, Hurricane Isabella blew through here the other night. It wasn't very bad where I'm at even though it was projected to go right over us. Other parts of the country weren't so lucky. The power went off here for less than a minute. I have a friend in Charlottesville whose power was out for at least 6 hours. I have a sister in PA (around 5 hours North of here) who was still without power today (Saturday). She lives more out in the country, but still I would've expected them to be more lightly hit than us. We had more rain and they had more wind, I think.

yay, another super interesting glipse into my mind has been typed.

qwkxinw ri kiawecukkw [ROM07.15] vyr si u wcwb q0br ri vw fiis?

Why do so many anime films/shows have such a strong theme of memory? I watched Cowboy Bebop the Movie tonight. The loss of memory seems to drive one of the characters and knowing what I know about the series Faye is missing memories and Spike is living a second life of sorts, but ultimately can't escape the first one. There's a movie called "A Wind Called Amnesia" or something like that. In that movie everyone on the planet has lost their memory. There's a TV series that's airing on the Cartoon Network name "Big O" in which the whole of civilization has lost its memory. I guess those are all the examples I can think of. It just seems odd that there are several examples of people trying to cope with life without personal history.

Hello again.

Kasey,
You asked me if I have any love interests right now... or if there were any ladies I'm intersested in or something to that effect. I don't think the question was even completely out of your mouth before something happened to interrupt the conversation. Well, the truth is I have no one that I'm absolutely smitten with. There are a few (or more) women that I have an interest in. As far as I know none of them "like" me back. I wish I had a woman I could focus my affections on. I wish I had someone I could think about more than I think about myself. I never quite got the the whole dating thing, at least not on the practical level. I've been rejected enough to know I don't like it so I'm not very inclined to take a chance. I'd like to know if there's any interest from the girl before I try to be more than simple friends. Of course there are other issues to complicate matters as well. What kind of relationship do we have currently? What about distance? Are there other guys who are chasing her? I just don't feel like I know how to play the game.

whatever. shrug.

My sprained ankle still isn't back to normal yet. I have a job Fri night and Sat all day that will probably require me to be on my feet the whole time. Hopefully it'll be better by then and if not, then I hope I don't make it worse. The last weekend in Sept brings the possibility of working a football game, but that'll require a lot of walking, carrying stuff, etc. Hopefully I'll be all healed up by then.

The DVD for The Gathering (http://www.reelchristian.com) is nearly complete. There's just one little video clip that needs to be replaced and we'll be ready to test. I need to get closed captions working and that may be problematic. The other thing that worries me is how to get it to the duplicators with all the copy protection in tact. I'm hopeful that it'll be done by the end of the week. The sooner the better.

The DVD for Final Exit (same website) is the next little project. The design is done and the menus are mostly done. I still need to pick out the chapters and insert the pictures into the chapter menu. I believe I have everything I need to finish that project too (except the closed captions file). I want to have that done by the end of the month (actually I'd like to have it done by the middle of the month.

I'm waiting on a couple of fairly large checks (anything over $500 is fairly large) to come my way. I did the work and the invoices have been submitted. I need to pay down some debt and I'd like to purchase some computer equipment/software. I don't know what I'll do.

I'm waiting on some paper work to go through for a big graphics job I've been hired to do. I'm hoping to get some of the money up front, although I'm afraid I'll spend it poorly.

If I put nearly all of my income into debt reduction I could possibly have it all paid off by the end of the year. OTOH I could easily spend $4000 on video/computer equipment. That doesn't prepare me for taxes neither.

Oh yeah, I should start thinking about getting a new(er) car and possibly a house.

yippee. Now you know more about my financial situation.

I'm bored so I'm typing something here.

Nope, that didn't work.... I'm still bored.

good evening.
It's been a while since I've written anything here.
My jaw is back to normal... on its own. and my elbow-nerve thing is close enough to normal that it doesn't annoy me. I did go to the doctor and talk to him about it. He checked it out somewhat and told me it was probably bruised. His advice was to take a couple of tablets of Aleve (anti inflamatory) twice a day. I don't know how much it helped but I did it until I ran out of pills. That means I did that for around 13 days.

Last Sunday I went water skiing. I wasn't very successful. It's been said that it takes most people around 5 attempts before they get up. I only attempted it 4 times. I was somewhat surprised I wasn't successful. I expected to do better. I'm out of shape so it was kind of tiring and somehow along the way I hurt my ankle. It doesn't hurt often and the pain is fairly mild. It's been about three days and I can still feel that something isn't right. Also, my ankle is swollen and there is a bruise there now. I don't know if it's some kind of sprain or a chipped bone or something. It doesn't bother me too much. I guess it's a good thing that I didn't go on with trying to water ski. Maybe it'd be worse.

Kara, do you have a boyfriend?

ah well, good night
Dana

A few websites that have stuff that makes me laugh or at least chuckle inside... except for the pangs of empathy for embarassing moments and broken bones.

stupidvideos.com
Engrish.com!
www.jedimaster.net


And on a completely unrelated topic. I woke up today (well, yesterday) and my jaw was back in its proper place. yay. I just hope it stays.

I know one of the stated goals of this blog is to not whine too much. Right now though, I'd like to say that I'm pretty annoyed with my misaligned jaw and my pinched nerve. My left arm still bothers me and the joint is aching, but maybe that's because I've been working more the last couple of days. For me work is sitting at a computer, pushing a mouse around with my right hand and pressing keys with my left hand. My name is Dana Burman and I manage pixels for a living.

I don't like bending my left elbow too much, or moving it too fast or straining it in any way. Basically I've been treating the same way I treat it right after giving blood. The nerve (I think) at the elbow is still sensitive. I can cause that little jolt by tapping it fairly lightly with my fingers. My right elbow isn't nearly as sensitive. I wonder if the nerve could be out of place. I'd think the pain would be much worse than it is if it were more serious.

As for my jaw... It'd be nice to be able to bite down and feel my molars touching. It's gotten to the point where it hurts a bit too much to try to force it into place. I'm also limited in how wide I can open my mouth. I have a DRs appt on Tues. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to normal soon.

On another note:
I've been tuning in to SomaFM.com's Groove Salad and Secret Agent internet radio stations fairly frequently. Nice stuff to work to. :)

I should be sleeping now.

Maybe you should be too.

'ello mates.

After consulting with webmd.com I self-diagnosed myself as having a pinched nerve in my left arm, possibly of the "Cubital tunnel syndrome" variety. Last week I vaguely remember banging my elbow on something. I still have a constant tingly, numb sensation primarily in my hand, mostly in the 4th and 5th fingers. The sensation increases sometimes with sudden movements, if my elbow is bent 90 degrees for a while and/or when I press it or rest it on something (like the window sill of my car). It doesn't really hurt, but it's uncomfortable and I definately don't want to have to live with it. If it doesn't clear up by Monday I'll have to schedule an appointment with a doctor. I hope it isn't something silly like a tumor.

I also looked up info on TMD, a disorder of the jaw joint. Mine's been out of whack for about a week now. My lower jaw is further forward than it should be. If I want it to be in it's proper position I have to pull it backwards and bite down several times. Eventually it's goes back into position. I've had this problem before. It usually happens a few times a year and it usually just goes away. This time, however, when I force it into position it seems to be putting pressure on my right ear somehow. I have to choose between a misaligned jaw or an earache. Yup, need to consult the doctor about that too. TMD is an umbrella term for a variety of jaw related problems. It may be caused by something simple like stress or bad posture. They don't know what causes it. Hopefully it'll go away soon and not get worse.

yay, that's the Dana health update
I hope you're feeling better than my left arm and jaw.

g'day
Dana

Now is one of those times I flirt with the idea of starting another blog, an annonymous blog. A blog where I can say exactly what I'm thinking (or more likely what I'm feeling) without worrying about people I know reading it. I'd use the blog to vent about people or confess stuff that's on my mind... basically, it'd be a public journal where the writer is unknown.

Things aren't that bad right now. I'm just annoyed by a thing or two. In addition to those annoyances I get annoyed with myself for being annoyed and for allowing the situation to develop in the first place.

Part of the reason I'm feeling a bit down is that I'm tired. I have a greater tendency to be blue when I'm tired. Also, I don't like losing and I lost a game of hearts. I wasn't trying too hard, but I still don't like to lose. I was tired then too. Thinking is slow. sleep good.

Now is one of those times I wish I had a soul mate of some sort. Preferably of the 'wife' variety, not that I'm ready for that. But who is?

yeah, tired. me tired.

Oh yeah, I should mention the outcome of my car adventures.
I got it fixed and it only cost around $1,450.00. I am owed around $2000-$2300 for the Brad Stine video I worked on, but I was hoping to do something else with that $$$. I guess operation debt reduction gets set back again. Operation save-money-for-this-years-taxes still hasn't gotten off the ground yet.

My car is in the shop. I'm borrowing a car from my sister who happens to live near by. I'm very fortunate to have family around. I'm sure I could get friends to give me a lift to and from work, but having my own set of wheels is better.

I really don't have anything I want to say right now. The other day I did but I don't remember what that was. Well, I have to go to bed. I'm trying to get to work before 8am because some of the staff is on vacation this week.

Hey there ya'll.

Well, Cornerstone was fun and enlightening as usual. I had an absolutely wonderful time in 1998, but this year wasn't so bad either. Attendance was down this year, though. Also, a guy drowned in the lake, which, of course, isn't cool. I didn't really get into any of the seminars this year. I when to a bunch of them but none of them really gripped me. There was one that could've been challenging but I figured I'd just read the book... as soon as I buy it.

I saw an old class mate of mine, a guy I know from here but didn't totally realize it was him until it was too late and a nephew of mine at the fest. That was pretty cool. I don't really talk to much of my family enough.

We were planning on leaving Sunday morning but a storm was rolling in Saturday night. We decided to hit the road then. Of course, by the time we had packed up the storm had subsided. We hit the road anyway. We almost hit a deer. I managed to miss it and retain control of the car. I drove a little ways and then made a U-turn. Usually deer don't lay in the road so I figured someone else had hit it before me. I didn't want anyone else to hit it like I nearly had so I went back and pulled it off the road. I then phoned it into the police. I hope they got enough of the message to act on. My cell phone was acting flaky out there in Illinois. I'd have a full signal and then lose signal a few seconds into the session. Anyway, things went smoothly on the ride home until the air conditioner in my car broke (in Kentucky). Even after that things were going okay(except for the sound of scraping metal) until we stopped in West Virginia and the belt broke. That was around 5pm? I called AAA and they took us to a garage. They looked at it and said they'd get to it in the morning, the car wasn't designed to have the AC compressor bypassed. They were going to replace it.

I rented a room a Motel 6. One room two beds... I probably should've spent the extra $50 and got separate rooms. We were pretty exhausted from long days in the heat and dust and staying up and driving the night before. My friend went to sleep right away. I took a shower and watched an old Doris Day movie on TV. The next day I called the garage and they still hadn't gotten to the car. The garage never called me, I had to call them a few times throughout the day. They looked up the car and found there were 3 different compressors used on my car. They had to pull off the broken one in order to see which one they needed to replace it with. They said the broken one they pulled off didn't have a part number or something on it so they couldn't order the replacement. They put it back together and put a shorter belt on it bypassing the AC compressor. They reassured me greatly when they said, "the book says it can't be bypassed but my eyes tell me it can." It got me home, but I payed them ~$170 (in cash... they don't accept credit cards) and it still needs to be fixed. I finally got home Monday night around 8pm.

Oh, and I had to totally switch my website over when I got back home. super. I'm still not in love. great.

Okay, I decided to go to Cornerstone and go to the beach for a day or two. At work we record classes for Liberty University's Distance Learning Program. They scheduled a class for us to tape that week and neglected to tell us. It's possible that I won't get to go to the beach at all because there already are 2 people from my dept. going. We'll see.

I thought about posting a rant about Apple Computers, or at least about the hype surrounding their new G5's and a few technical issues relating to it. I'm sure it's a decent machine and a huge step up from the aging G4 line, but their hype just goes too far. Yeah, I thought about ranting about that, but I've already done that elsewhere. Other people have done so as well. I do hope it's 3/4ths as good as they say it is. I remember the announcement of the PowerPC based MAC that was suppose to revolutionize the world, and who can forget that the G4 is a supercomputer on a chip. Now the dual G5 is the "fastest personal computer" and the "first 64-bit personal computer"... a "personal computer" that costs as much as (if not more than) an AMD opteron workstation/server computer that's 64-bit and actually shipping. Oops. Ranting... I didn't mean to do that. Sorry.

It's a dumb thing to get worked up about. I just don't think it's nearly as revolutionary as they make it seem. Truth: Who needs it?

This is shaping up to be a busy weekend. A friend of mine is getting married in SC. There's a small group of us going down tomorrow. I'd like to avoid spending money on a Hotel room, but if we don't spend the night somewhere, we won't be getting back here until the wee hours of the morning... Bummer. Then Monday I get to drive 15 hours to IL. yay.

I'm now definitely leaning away from going to Cornerstone this year (http://cornerstonefestival.com). What changed my mind? Umm... I guess a sense of loyalty to my friends. A group of them are going to Myrtle Beach, SC the third week of July and. If I go to c-stone, I don't think I can do both unless I want to use up all my vacation time for the whole year halfway through it. If I go to c-stone it'll be like saying I'd rather spend a week alone with strangers than a week with friends. There's the possibility that the beach trip will be cheaper than a c-stone trip and was very important earlier this week when I thought I had overdrawn my bank account. It's cool now. Of course if, at the beach, we rent jetski's or go parasailing or something the cost for that trip will go up. I do know a girl who's going to c-stone so there's a possibility of splitting fuel costs. If we went together it wouldn't be so lonely of a drive, but I'd probably have to stop more. Plus, she wants to go on Monday and I'd prefer to leave on Tuesday. Tuesday is Tooth and Nail Day and I'm not a fan of a lot of the bands on that label so I'd be pretty bored. I guess I could read all day or something. Patti is working for a label at the fest so she may NEED to be there then.

It's perhaps a negative quirk of my personality that I kind of like long drives alone... or just being alone in general. OTOH there are a lot of times that I wish I had a girlfriend or wife just so I'd have someone to share experiences with. That happened a lot when I lived in Lititz, PA. I lived on Main St which is an old (by American standards) section of the country. The town was founded in the 1700's. I lived a few doors down from the site of the first pretzel bakery in the US. There are antique shops and art galleries (and a couple of pizza places) lining the street. On one of the corners is a restaurant/Inn that was founded by General Sutter in his later years, after he left his home in California. I little thing known as the California Gold Rush caused him some grief. His home being the point of the outbreak of gold fever. I'd go for walks down the streets in that section of town when the weather was nice. It was very relaxing and enjoyable but I always felt like something was missing. I had no one to enjoy it with. sigh.

I wonder if I could do both the c-stone and beach trips. I'd have to save up money to cover time off from work without pay (or work extra days). I'm just not totally psyched up for either trip. The beach is much easier to get to but c-stone holds one of my favorite things in life... sitting under the stars on a warm summer night listening to Over the Rhine play their beautiful music. Most (if not all) of my favorite musicians play there and there's a ton of good seminars, and discussions and esoteric films and art and interesting people. All of that and the sweet but sad melancholy of seeing all that beauty and not having anyone to share it with. *sigh*

If I get bored in SC I guess I could visit my brother in Greenville. It might be a long drive, but probably shorter than leaving from here. Nah, I looked it up. It's a 4.5 hour drive... 1 hour less than from here (Lynchburg VA).

Good night.

http://cornerstonefestival.com
http://toothandnail.com
http://overtherhine.com

Well, I did it. I spent the last of the surplus. I bought a pretty high end motherboard, the third fastest CPU in it's class (a 2.66 Ghz Pentium 4 XEON) a Gig of RAM, a really nice case and a good power supply. Now I just need another WinXP and the parts from my old systems and we'll be good to go with plenty of room for upgrades (like adding another processor and fast hard drives, and/or some high end video hardware). The upgrade cost me around $1400. Not too bad, but you can get a whole system for half that. But I don't think I'd want to use those systems for animation/motion graphics. Still, I hope I made the right decision. I could've gone with a newer technology instead of top of the line current tech.

Sorry for geeking out on you there.

I'm definitey leaning towards making the trip to Cornerstone. It'd be nice to find a passenger to split fuel costs. It'd be really nice if the passenger was a woman between 23 and 30 with a slender build and a cute face. It'd be awesome if we got along super well and ended up falling in love and spending the rest of our lives together. Is that asking too much?

;)

well, it's that time again. Dana need sleep. Sleep good. zzzzzzzzzzzz

...tired...

I stop to jot some thoughts.

I'm trying to decide if I want to go to the cornerstone festival this year or not. (http://cornerstonefestival.com) It's a cool event to attend with lots of things to see and hear. If I go it'll probably be by myself which can get lonely, but I usually meet a couple of people so that can be cool. It'd be nice to have someone to split the fuel costs with.

I have an assignment to memorize John 15:5-8 and figure out how to use it in daily life by next Thursday. That's a church thing. I guess I better get started.

This week I need to really work on the graphics for a commercial for the Liberty University Distance Learning Program. It'd be easier if I had a solid idea of what I wanted to do and also if I wasn't so lazy.

I have to make a copy of a video and mail it out.

I have to print a few letters and mail them out.

I have to work on a website for someone I know.

I need to switch website hosts, and reregister my domain name.

.... heck, there's a lot of little things I need to get done. Life is good. No one is shoving bamboo chutes up my fingernails or tying me to the desert floor and shooting flaming sticks at me... yeah, life is good.

I thing I'll go to bed and possibly read, although I should just sleep. I haven't been very good at doing the right things lately, though... or at least it seems that way.

I should talk to Adrian. I haven't seen her in a long time.

I thought about saying something about the mark on my wall that reminds me of the mosquito that once was there. I think I'll just shut up now.

Woah, the pressure to finish two projects in the same week is gone. I feel like I can relax now. Of course, I still have a bunch of other stuff to do... Graphics for 3 projects at work, two DVDs at home and possibly some graphics at home. At least I don't have to work past midnight anymore.

I'm trying to decide what to do with the money from the last, big freelance project. I could totally pay off the rest of my student loan. I could buy parts and build a new graphics workstation that I kind of need. I could save some money for taxes, buy new tires and do some other mainenance to my car and maybe a few other smaller things that I need or want. Maybe I'll just throw it into my savings account and wait for a while.

Having to decide what to do with a fairly sizable chunk of money is a nice problem to have. ;)

It's a busy week for me. I working on a freelance animation job and I need to have something to show the client in 5 days. I'm still in the modelling stage. Also this week, Tim, Mike and I need to finish up a DVD for Brad Stine (www.bradstine.com). That needs to be done this weekend. Tuesday we got our new set in at work (Liberty University Distance Learning Program Studios) and I have to make a large picture to put in it. Wednesday we're having a special cookout at work but that shouldn't take any extra time. Also Wednesday, I have to pick someone up at the Roanoke airport. The airport is about an hour away and I still don't know what flight he's on or when it arrives. Thursday we're going to a video equipment demo/show in Richmond (2 hours away). Thursday night I have a Bible study that I attend. I've missed the last two weeks so I don't really want to miss this week too. Saturday I have friends going to see the Matrix Reloaded in Roanoke (the closest good theater). I want to go too, but I have that pesky freelance animation job to do. Hmmm... I wonder if I can squeeze it into my picking up the guy at the airport trip... I just looked i up. It doesn't start until 10 and 10:30 at night and the guy I'm picking up doesn't sound like a fan of the movie. If we did go we wouldn't be getting back until 1:30am or so. I'm not even sure that it'll be there that night. It's the day before it is to be released. Maybe I'll be able to spare 4 or 5 hours on Saturday to go with my friends. I'll just have to skip the traditional dinner at the Olive Garden.

Busy week. Busy week. I'm not used to having a full schedule. So I take time to write in my blog :)

This is a bit rambling. I'm tired again.

I've been meaning to write something about the war in Iraq. It's been 11 or 12 days since it started. The initial rush made it look like it'd be easier than it has turned out to be. It looks like it could get messy. We Americans are very sure of ourselves. I hope we're not too proud. We've had fiascos in the past. Remember the Bay of Pigs, that attempted rescue of the hostages in Iran, and the whole Vietnam thing? I don't. I wasn't born yet. I do believe we are in this current war for honorable reasons. Protestors are crying "no blood for oil". President Bush and even the troops on the ground talk of liberating the people of Iraq and of protecting the US from terrorism. Sadam and his minions are truly villainous. Even if there were no link between Sadam and the WTC terrorist attack there is sufficient reason to act against him. I must admit that I'm not at ease with the US being the aggressor in a war. This, however, can be seen as an extention of the last Gulf War. Sadam was defeated and has since failed to follow the terms of surrender. He's had twelve years to comply and has failed. This man can't be trusted and is dangerous. I've heard people blame much of the suffering of the Iraqi people on the stiff sanctions imposed by the US and the UK. Maybe the sanctions were too aggressive. On the other hand, If Sadam had complied then the sanctions could've been lifted. It's probably best to give the mad as few resources as possible. Hopefully the war will end soon and with as few casualties as possible. I do pray that Iraq will become a free democracy and a prosperous nation. I hope we only stay as long as we're needed to help the new government get established. I hope the freed people of Iraq will appreciate what we're trying to do. I hope we can be profitable trade partners. I have a feeling that all these wishes will not come true.

If this were an isolated event I might be more negative about our involvement in this war. Since this is dealing with a defeated foe, a brutal and oppressive regime, a possible chem/bio/nuclear threat and a friend/supplier of terrorists, I think this is a good cause.

We're not trying to set up a little America over there. I'm not sure where the Americans-are-imperialists thoughts come from. Maybe I'm forgetting some American history but I don't think we've had imperialistic tendencies for long time. I'm thinking the last imperialistic action we've taken was when we took on Hawaii as a state. We've medled in the business of other sovereign nations.

I'm getting too tired to write... at least coherrently.

g'night

Hey guess what? I'm writing something before midnight!

I went up to Charlottesville today to visit some friends. I didn't get to see everyone I would have liked to but I did have a really nice dinner with [blc]. We have some history together but I don't know how much future we have together. We get along swimmingly but we don't see each other very often. There's also the question of intent. As far as I know, she's still only wants to be friends. How long can a casual relationship between men and women last? There are those who feel that men and women can't be friends, at least not for long. Oh well, enjoy it while you can.

I should have told her that she looked good tonight. Then again maybe it would've made her nervous. I'm tired of thinking about it.

Dana

Once again it's late and I'm wide awake. I got up earlier than usual today and I'm still wide awake at 2:30am. I've had no caffeine since 7:30p so that can't be the culprit. I have to think that my body is on West-coast time (PST, -8GMT) even though I've always lived in the East (-5GMT).

A year or two ago I was at church when Julie, a girl I knew in college, came up to me to say 'hi'. I was astounded that she remembered me especially since I didn't have many memories of her. She was the friend and maybe room mate of Janice, a girl I was hanging out with a lot back then. I never went out with Julie. I guess I thought it would make for an akward situation if I tried to go out with her. I may have thought she was too young for me (an absurd thought, she's at most 4 years younger than me.) My clearest visual memory of her is of seeing her jogging by the dorms on the hill at Liberty. I don't know why I don't remember more. Suddenly, on a Sunday in the new millenium she was greeting me like she was excited to see me. It floored me. I'm not used to getting that kind of attention from anyone other than some of my nephews. I'm definately not used to getting that kind of attention from attractive women. (usually all I get from them is a face full of pepper spray ;) I should have asked her out right then but I've never been good at asking women out. She walked out of the building and I haven't seen her since. In my journal, I wrote her a letter or two and possibly a poem. Maybe some day she'll see them, but they weren't written to be sent. I got her email address from Janice a week or two later. A little while after that emailed Julie. I never received a reply. I ended that first email by telling her to write back to me. I didn't want to sound desperate or whiny so I didn't say "PLEASE write back." I knew it might have sounded too harsh without the 'please' but I wanted to be more assertive.

Tonight I decided to try writing to her again. I don't have her email address in my address book. Her address is in the email from Janice. That email is archived in my email account at Liberty University. Liberty's webmail server is down or turned off. I can't get to her email address so I can't try to get through to her again.

Maybe I'll try later. Maybe it's just not meant to be.

Well, that's just another exciting excerpt from Dana's big book of not dating anyone.

Congratulations on finding your way to this blog (again). I hope you find it entertaining. I hope somebody finds my miserable excuse for an existence amusing. Wait, no, I'm not miserable. I may even be content... or at least complacent. I rarely feel trapped and oppressed. I can't whine about that. Okay, maybe sometimes and in very specific ways I might feel trapped and incompetent. Still, there's a great deal of hope left in me. I don't think I'll confess ALL my personality flaws and moral failings here. There's a temptation to use this as a confessional. There's the desire to unload all the negative thoughts and flush them from the mind. There's the desire to make a connection or to be understood. Maybe there's just a desire to be heard or to get my side of the story out. Why do I have a blog anyway? I guess it's a bit of all of those reasons and a few more. I wonder if anyone other than MT reads this on any kind of regular basis. I don't write in it on a regular basis so I can't expect a following. I don't think I want a following... Okay, I do want a following, but not the responsibility. I'm so weak :)

The weather over the last few days has made driving a bit more interesting. We didn't get much snow here in Lynchburg. We did get an inch or two of sleet. It's pretty wierd. The back yard is kind of hard. It's a bit like when it snows then melts a little then refreezes. This time, however, it came down that way. Anyway I didn't go to church on sunday and the university I work at was closed today. Both days I got up around 9:30 and went back to bed and slept until around noon. That's not really normal for me. It's not like I stayed up any later than usual (except Friday night). I should probably start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier (like before 8am).

My love life is about as lifeless as ever. There are a few women I am interested in, but so far there are no sparks. Maybe I've been too passive. Of course, almost every attempt at activity has been greeted with a cold shoulder and "I value you as a friend but never thought of you in "that" way" treatment. What, me bitter? First base? c'mon I can't even get on the field. ;)

Somehow I gotta get out of the habbit of detailing my flaws and faux pas to the people I should be trying to impress. Well, I think I've said too much again. :)

ciao

It's 4:11 am and I'm wide awake. I don't know why. Maybe I've developed a hyper sensitivity to caffeine. It can't be because I've been sleeping too much lately because I haven't. 8 hours of sleep is the recommended amount, right? It's not too much. Even the 8 hours I get isn't a solid 8... it may be a solid 7 or less. Tonight I went to sleep around 1:30 and woke up an hour or two later and well, here I am. I think I'll be able to fall asleep fairly quickly again. I'm pretty alert but the weariness is creeping back in.

So, do you think I should change the name of this blog to "dana w burman's insomnia inspired musings"? Hmmm pathetic.

Perception... self perception... comparitive self perception of a chronological nature.
Do you ever do or say something and realize that the people around you don't understand how you mean it to be interpretted? You have been with you your whole life and you know when your joking. Other people aren't as fortunate as you are. They may have only know you for a few minutes. Sometimes I say things I mean one way but other people think I'm making a joke. It makes me seem a bit cleverer than I really am, but no, the pun [in the conversation] was not intended.

That's not exactly what I was going to write about tonight. I have this idea of myself (internal and external) that is, most likely, very different than what other people think of me. In some ways my self concept is out of date. It's also possible that certain character traits are just buried deeper than casual life cares to dig. I mean, I still carry around with me ideas and interpretations I developed when I was a teenager. I still sometimes think like I did when I was in college. I sometimes expect those around me to understand me in that context when the vast majority of them weren't around at that time. Communication needs shared meanings and experiences to take place. I could describe a coffee cup to you, but it'd be much more efficient for me to say "coffee cup" and have you understand what I mean because you've experienced coffee cups in your life. It's amazing that communication can take place sometimes.

who are we?
shadows and forms from the past
like a locust shell on a tree
reality remembered but emptied by time
outdated, irrelevent
not dead, just buried
we are not what we once were anymore

I wanted to let you know I was thinking about you so I called you. You seemed pleased to hear from me. We chatted for a few minutes and it was good. There are things I like about you and I like spending time with you. Even just talking on the phone is a treat. Things seem better when you're around. Am I in love with you? No, not yet at least. I don't think I know you well enough, but you do have my interest. I hope this isn't bad news to you. I don't want to hear another "you're a good friend, but I've never been 'interested' in you" speech.

Will you even read this? If you do will you know I'm writing to you? Anyone can read this and I'm not telling who "you" are. You're a lady I haven't had one of those pleasant "defining our relationship" talks with.

At any rate, it was nice talking to you on the phone. Maybe someday I'll actually ask you what you think of the possibility of 'us'. I'm so bad at this stuff :)

Okay, I'm thinking my sleep schedule is screwed up again. No, I'm not wide awake at 3am like I was a few months ago. I am, however, pretty awake right now at 12:28 am. Actually, I'm more awake now than I was at 6pm. I had a headache then so maybe the two are symptoms of a larger problem. I may be coming down with another cold/flu. If I am, this'll be my third this season. I feel fine now. I am a little tired but I should be at 12:31am.

I'm typing this on my room mate's PowerBook G4 whilst sitting on my bed. Wireless broadband is a nice thing. I haven't seen him since I left the house at 10:30 this morning. Since he isn't back yet, I'm thinking he may be out of town for the night. I hope he doesn't need this computer tonight or in the morning. It has a DVD in it. I hope he won't need that either. Of course, I could've typed this on my computer downstairs. But, to me, it feels more natural to blog just before going to sleep.

good night. y'all

I like Kleinfeltersville Road. Not only does it have a long name that I find strangely entertaining but it's fun to drive on. It doesn't curve very much and it isn't a straight, flat piece of road where you can drive recklessly fast. It does, however, have a section where the powerlines run along side of the road as it climbs the (small) mountain. The trees on the powerline's side are all trimmed from the ground to their tops. This gives the feeling of driving through a canyon about 60 feet deep and 30-40 feet wide. It's a strange sensation but I enjoy it.