The snow has become more rain like and the main roads are mostly just wet.

My new computer with the defect has been returned to the store. I can now afford to chrome my motorcycle.

Just kidding.

I actually feel good about having reversed that spending tho I probably would not have done so if the computer worked right. I wanted to exchange it for another one but they only had the display model and another one that had been returned. I'm notebookless again but that's okay. I may still buy another one, a cheaper one... or just return the computer bag/backpack to best buy and be done with it... for now.

Snow is falling, has fallen / white covers the ground
by the sound of cars outside / I know it's possible to get around


still I think I'll sit here / and possibly work from home
No need to visit the office / or traverse the icy roads


Let those with four wheel drive / or great need to be somewhere
brave the slop and the slush / I'll wait till the road is bare.

-

Okay, I'm not afraid to drive in this stuff, but there's not much to do at the office today so I'd rather stay home anyway. The snow affords me that opportunity at least as far as the morning goes.

I do have things to work on here. This new computer is still malfunctioning so I have to take it back. It seems to do it more when it is first being used than after it is warmed up.

I was reading some poems this morning [not a common practice of mine] and I guess that made me want to throw together something of my own.

Broke down and bought a computer.
Computer broke down.
Need to exchange it if the problem persists.

Today was a pretty good day. Not the greatest day in the history of mankind. Hopefully not even close to the greatest day of my life. As far as pedestrian, ordinary Saturdays go, this was a good one.

I was up late last night which was entirely my fault. Some people may try to take credit for my poor sleeping habits, but I'm the one staying up. I set my alarm clock for noon but got up at 11am. I ate lunch. It was just leftovers but good none the less. It was warm enough to ride the motorcycle to LU to work the women's basketball game. The job went well today though LU lost the game breaking their 58 game conference winning streak. After the game I went home then Tim and I went out to Sam's club and then Best Buy so I could look at laptop computers. I almost bought one... I may still. Darn it. We stopped at Subway on the way home to get something to eat. I wanted to get some stuff done with the short film that we're working on, but didn't really get much done. We then went to see The Incredibles and that's just a fun, well done and entertaining film. It may find its way into my video collection. The headache I had before the movie went away so that's a good thing.

So here I am now, writing this little report on what makes up a good day. Sleeping late, riding motorcycles, making a good amount of money in a short amount of time, contemplating the spending of said money and watching a good movie make for a good day.

As for the spending of the money on the laptop, I'm thinking that there are probably more important things to spend it on than computing mobility. Even if I do end up spending the money on myself, there are perhaps wiser applications such as car insurance or savings or car payments. Of course, maybe the small surplus I have not isn't intended for my consumption at all. There are many who need this cash more than I need another, more convenient computer.

When the sun is shining

Today we are covered in clouds. Big, thick heavy looking clouds. There is a discernible chill when we're in their shadow. When the sun breaks through, however, we're treated to a special treat. The trees are still coated with ice from the storm yesterday. They light up quite nicely when the sun hits them. There are nice moments of contrast between the ice covered hills and the clouds behind them. Steam rises from still wet driveways and rooftops where the sun warms those surfaces. I wish I had my camera with me although there isn't a spot in particular I wish to capture. To me it looks like a painting. It's that sense of extraordinary. The moments where the normal is lifted above itself into an idealized beauty. I'm sure I've seen better and I hope to see better still. For around here, however, it's pretty nice. When the sun is shining.

DON'T PANIC!

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy the radio programme Listen to it online!

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy the book Order it online! Or, if you don't mind ripping off the publishers, read it here.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy the movie Watch the preview for the new movie!

It snowed last night and the water falling continues. Now it is more of a "wintry mix" because it doesn't seem quite like rain but it sure isn't snow. I guess that make it sleet but it seemed a little wetter or less intense than I picture sleet as being. I was hoping for the 7 inches that my boss said the weather guys were calling for. I didn't really expect that to happen. If it had I might not have come in to work today. I'm not really afraid of driving in snow but enough people are around here so that it becomes a valid excuse.

Yes, I know. I shouldn't be looking for a way out of work, That's not exactly a good, Christian work ethic. Yes, I'm a hypocrite and was fully aware of it when advising someone in email last night ;) Honestly though, there isn't a lot that needs to be done in the office right now. Maybe I'll try finishing off the SOL DVD or start work on this year's Winterfest promo. Think "TRON" :)

Actually, I know what I can do. I can learn Motion or some other software. Free time is for training, you know.

It's far too easy to spend money these days. :)


They did just lower the price and I do have a discount because I'm on staff at a University. I was thinking about the 1GB shuffle but this was only $40 more for 3 more GBs. Not that it really justifies me spending the money on myself, but one replay/slowmo operator for LU basketball job pays for it. I had one of those last Saturday and one this coming Saturday. I do have a twinge of buyer's remorse, but if I can make it through Thursday it'll be too late to cancel my order ;)

Oh and Bec, I'm sorry if I've dulled your day.

Well, I kept reading your blog waiting for a "but" or something else to change the tone of what you wrote. It was like a big build up to a new thought that never came. I must say I was getting a little worried or relieved or something.

I'm okay with our commitment to non-commitment as well. It's perhaps all we can do. As far as you liking me? Well, I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with that.

It's been a very long time since I've sung for anyone except for birthdays. Even on those occasions I don't go solo.

Thoughts from this morning...
It isn't all sunshine here. At some point in the night it rained. There was water on the ground though it has started to dry. The clouds hang heavy in the air, dark with the promise of more rain. The sun shines down through and around them, warming my face. Overall it's quite nice out but I can't promise it won't rain again.

THE LATEST

This just in: I got a call from VA Beach. The job was given to someone else. The main reason being that I'm "over-qualified" for the position that I was up for. The department is growing and there may be something in the future that better matches my talent/skill set. I'm totally cool with that. This frees up both money and time for me. If I had been given the job, I would have to spend money on moving expenses and on furnishing an apartment. Also, if I had a new job I wouldn't have the flexibility that I have now in taking time off. Now I'm thinking about going to the Cornerstone Festival again this summer. This time I'd be taking a short film for the film festival there. Of course, there are other travel plans I'm considering as well.

I feel like God has blessed me with extra income recently (free-lance video work and I think I'll get a tax refund this year) but I don't know if there's a specific reason for the surplus or not. I should probably squirrel some away in a cd or something :)

The honesty of the moment tempered by long term truths?

Is it wrong to deny the expression of feelings because I know that feelings are transient? If I were to tell you something today would you assume it'll still be true tomorrow. I'm still worried about promises that can't be kept. Maybe I'll be safe if I send mixed signals. You know, for every heart-felt expression of unreasonable desire to be with you I'd offer up a heart-felt, mind-fed doubt about how well things are going? That'd make you feel better right :) haha

Well, I don't want to get you too wrapped up in emotions. How much is too much? I don't know. What I do know is that I've "talked" to you more in the last three weeks than I have with the people I live and work with in the last three months. I've been happier despite a tendency to get somewhat depressed when sleep deprived. I'm walking around amazed at how full my thoughts can be of someone my eyes have never seen. From my vantage point way over here, I still think you'd be good for me to be around even if we weren't emotionally... ummm... active.

So, at the moment, I'm very into you.

"You have new matches at Christian Mingle"

For some reason I just don't care at the moment ;)

The words of the week are "context" "premature" "sensible" & "pragmatic" ... how romantic.

Last night I thought of another reason why the slow road is a good one. It isn't simply a matter of being sure not to make a big mistake. There's a matter of being ready or mature enough in the various areas of life. I know I have things that I think need to change. It's good to know you now. It makes preparing for the future more apparent. whether "we're" in it or not.

The Innocence Mission
So beautiful, so soothing.

"Let's get up early now/dive clear into the day/let's get out of the with open arms/not wait to be embraced"

I only have one album "befriended" but I think I will buy more. Their other CDs don't quite seem as soft and warm from what I've heard. I wish I could just go home, put some headphones on, lay down and just listen to this and other good music.

Virginia Dept of Health
In case you want to know if where you're eating in the Lynchburg VA has been clean.

Most the thoughts that were swirling in my head that I wanted to tell you have all flown out. Oh and I'm sorry if my answers to your questions are too vague and too short. I'm not used to answering questions and if I haven't thought in those terms before I'm slow at formulating answers. :)

In some ways I wish we could've had the meat of the "C" conversation over the phone or in person. But maybe it's best the way it happened. Sometimes when listening to people talk about things like that I get distracted by trying to look sympathetic.

---

This morning the sun is out but the thermometer read 34 degrees (F). Hmmm if it were in the 50's I would have considered riding my motorcycle to work. Of course, earlier this week it was 56 in the morning but it rained that day and then got cooler.

It'll be so nice when it gets warm enough to ride again. I really do enjoy it. It took me a month or two to get to the point where I didn't have to think about operating the machine. Now, while I'm not an expert, I don't have to concentrate on shifting :)

If it's in God's will for me to move to Virginia Beach, I might sell the bike. I've only had it a few months but over there it's flat, congested and not very curvy. I don't think it'd be much fun to ride. Also, if I move, I'm thinking about not signing up for internet service and not getting cable/satellite TV and possibly canceling my Netflix account. My expenses would be higher and it might be good to have fewer distractions around the house. I'm sure I'll have internet access at work. Maybe I could get a laptop and find a coffee shop with wireless access. It'd be weird not to have internet access at home but maybe that'd be a good thing.

It's the lunching hour. ;)

Well, we showed the School of Law promo video to the School of Law promo. They caught a couple of problems with people's titles on the screen. They also caught where we misspelled chief. Tim initially typed them all in I think and his spelling isn't very good. Of course, I should have caught it. In fact I stared at it for several seconds because it didn't look right. I managed to convince myself that it was okay. My bad. Oh well, there's a school of thought that says to leave something that needs fixed when you show a project to a client. That way they have something to tell you to change and they don't have to make up something for you to change. I guess some people feel they aren't in power if they don't have you change something. I don't think the Law School people are like that... well, not all of them anyway.

I have nothing to say at the moment.

Thinking sensibly again :)

Relax.
It's good to see you.
Deep breaths.

here's to friendship
here's to romance
here's to the confusion of the two

The initial barage has ceased
it's time to take the beaches
and then the slow march to berlin

hup, two, three, four
feet tramp the ground
wary of obstactles but a goal in site

survive the day
survive the journey
victory will be ours

why the heck am I using WWII as a metaphor for getting to know you?

Right back at ya.
Apparently we're building a book here. Conversations from the Bank. How two people figured out things as gradually as they let themselves. Hmmm. Not a very marketable title in my opinion, but what do I know?

If you don't hear from me sooner, you'll here from me later which by that time it will be now. As for the "getting serious" thing, I wasn't serious about it. The words just rolled out making a clatter larger than their forms would suggest. Some times things are weighted and other times not. This time it was not (nor the time before that).

I'm not usually so open, but let me tell you, I think it feels good. It may simply be the detached nature of the medium. I always seemed to talk more after dark... and after lunch while on a caffeine and sugar trip... but that's not exactly relevant.

Your apple analogy reminded me of something I heard not too long ago on the radio (I think). Apparently the way children remember things is different from the way adults remember things. We actually start off with one system of memory where we take all the information in and process it. Somewhere along the way we learn to categorize things. I think the study used flash cards with pictures of cats and stuff. The children remembered details about the pictures much more clearly than the adults. The adults remembered the cat but they might not get the color right. Once it was categorized in their mind they stopped 'experiencing' it. The people doing the study trained some kids how to use categories in their memory and the kids developed the same traits as the adults. All of that is to say I understand your point and that you are right. Heck, you've been proven right by a clinical study. :) I should maybe pay closer attention to what you have to say.

For now I'm just happy to know we're both "interested" so we can run together foolhardily toward heartbreak or whatever the opposite of that is. So let us not speak of this for a long while. :)

And to whoever else might be reading this: Ummm.. much is contextual and the rest of the context is elsewhere. I think you can figure out some of what is going on but don't feel bad if you don't. For now know that I'm a bit happy and not quite sure how to handle that.

God Bless you all. Good night.

... okay, maybe running foolhardily isn't a good idea. We should stroll slowly enjoying the scenery.

I just reread my first few blog entries. #1 I forget how funny I (thought) I was. #2 Monday, July 29, 2002: Who the heck was I talking about?

I hate defining things sometimes. The fear is that by defining it, you destroy it. Some things, some moments, can't bear the weight of their own existence. What was once mysterious and alive becomes a statue - a mere hunk of stone. However, I just want to be clear for the moment. I like you. I'm interested. I just didn't want you to think it was something less. Ummm... You should also not think that it's something more. Really, it's all the same at this point just different flavors. I'm enjoying our chats and slowly getting to know you. You seem to have a rich life full of beautiful memories, good friends, hope for the future and a good walk with the Lord. I don't know what I can add to the mix. You also have the eyes to enjoy it and the words to express it. I'm very happy to have made your acquaintance. I only hope you find my neuroticisms cute.

:)

I was typing something in here earlier today when the power went out at work. It's was a fairly major problem so they shut the place down. Now I'm at home.

I've been in a strange frame of mind the last few days. It's all your fault. Well, no it isn't. It is related though. I'm standing at the border of an undiscovered country. I don't know if it's time to enter. My thoughts are that it's far too soon. I am enjoying the view. Will this river be forded? I don't know. I guess it's simply time to play on its banks.

[sure, it's vague. I'm leaving the interpretation up toyou, the reader. I think you'll discern the context. I don't know if you'll get the Star Trek reference. You get points if you do. You lose points, however, if you get too many Star Trek references. I'm sorry that's just the way it works.]

What I've been thinking about today is emotional intimacy among strangers. One of the reasons we are not to have sex outside of marriage is because it creates an intimacy between the people that can't be supported or sustained and that tears us apart when the relationship dies. The same thing can happen between people using only words and bared hearts. When the only connect you have is through words on the screen, it's easy to become very open about yourselves. This fosters a sense of intimacy that may be premature and unsustainable. This could be just as dangerous and hurtful as joining together in other ways. This thought isn't new to me. A girl I used to email explained it to me. It does have merit and is not something to be overlooked. I'm not sure where the boundaries are though. What makes one personal disclosure more [insert whatever word fits here] than another personal disclosure. How do you slow this intellectual/emotional merging without killing it altogether. I felt shut out by the girl who told me this. I felt it because I was. I did want to get to know her better. I did want to be more of a friend. Oh well, we have limits as humans. I pray that God helps me to use His love because I don't think I have much of my own to use. That's another subject though. :)

You probably think I'm thinking too much but it's easy to get emotionally involved with someone you don't know, especially from a distance. I think that the less you know about someone the more you'll use your imagination and your desires to fill in the blanks. The person you're talking to may be more of your own construction than the person on the other side of the screen. As you get to know the real person on the other end your picture of them fades into the real thing. What if you won't like what you see? What if you prefer the fantasy to reality? What if you may that the person on the other end is greater and more beautiful than anything that your own stupid, limited imagination could ever invent? ;)

I'm tired of being the friend. I've always been the friend. I've gotten the "Your a good friend, I just don't think of you in that way" speech a few too many times. I'd like to just skip the friendship step. Of course, that's unrealistic and foolhardy to some extent. While I might not be adept at moving from friendship to romance (I haven't tried going the other way yet) I recognize the need of friendship in a relationship. It's a key component. Companionship is more important than warm and fuzzy feelings. It lasts longer. It's a much sturdier base. It's just plain necessary. I guess I'm looking for a best friend. Someone who moves to the same town I move to. Someone to share life with. Sometimes I wonder what the point of building a friendship is if it isn't going to be permanent. I guess it's a dress rehearsal. Actually, it's more like an essential part of life, like food and shelter. I wish the Eagles had won but I wept no tears for the defeat.

It's no good jumping to presumptions at this stage.

If this keeps up you'll soon be referenced in here quite a bit, I'm afraid. ;)

A hunger strike seems like a grown-ups way of hold his breath in order to get what he wants.