Merry Christmas!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

This will be an odd one. Becca and I will be traveling all day. :D

iTunes GRRR

okay, I'm not upset or stressed over it but...

I got an iTunes gift card (thank you Kisers) and decided to use it. I guess I just don't quite have the right mindset for buying music at the moment. I'm really not sure what I want. There are a couple of albums I want but I think I'd rather get the CDs than simply download them because, well, CDs are a higher quality than the compressed files that are sold online. I'm not really an audiofile so I probably shouldn't worry about it. Actually, I probably can't tell the difference, at least not on any sound equipment I have right now. I'm only worried about it on albums I think I'll love. All the other stuff I can download without being bothered by it. I'm just having trouble finding something I want. I find some things to get. I was looking mostly for "secular" music from the early to mid nineties. It's stuff I didn't buy then because, well, I tend to avoid pop music, but somethings filtered down through the culture into my psyche and now make me want to buy them... for old times sake. I found some songs and added them to my shopping cart. I didn't do things right so I actually ended up buying 3 songs with my own money instead of the gift card money. It's a good thing I didn't have the shopping cart loaded up with songs for the full amount of the gift card... of course, that still wouldn't be too costly to me.

I'd like to find some cool new musical favorites. Some music by Christians, but not necessarily "Christian" music. I feel like being a fan again, not just a consumer. I have a large collection of music (98% legal) but it's starting to feel stale.

Somehow, though, I just don't feel like searching for the perfect songs. They didn't have a lot of the things I was looking for. Maybe I'll break down and buy the albums I want and forget about future quality concerns. Maybe I'll just buy some of the songs that are in Karaoke Revolution so I actually know more than two songs that game.

What did your website look like in 2000?

Here's how mine looked.

http://web.archive.org/web/20010613105117/dwburman.com/oldsite/

I've had a website online since at least 1998... I think back as far as 1996. This was the first decent looking one. :D

Can home be a when?

Can home be soon?

House church Christmas party is at 6pm on Sat. I hope I don't forget. I signed up to bring drinks (I think) so I guess everyone else hopes I don't forget.

I got my oil changed today... about 1,200 miles late. I don't know why I did that more regularly with poorer quality car.

Well, I don't feel like writing much so you don't get to read something clever and entertaining from me. I guess you've come to expect that. It's not like I try very hard.

Good night.

The dryer (which broke sometime last week) was fixed yesterday. Yay. I have a full complement of clean clothes again.

My cell phone is still out for repairs. Apparently *I* provided misinformation so the phone went to the wrong place. It took them over ten days to realize they couldn't handle it in Indiana so they shipped it to Texas to be fixed.
hopefully they'll get around to fixing it before I go on holiday. grr.

so interesting, eh?

Movie, Underwear and Phone Update.

I watched Sky High tonight. I enjoyed it. It's nice to watch something lighthearted and family friendly once in a while. I won't say it was the best film I've ever seen or that it wasn't predictable. I mean, there were things I didn't predict but then again I'm not the best predictor even when the predictions are somewhat obvious. Yes, it was formulaic and will most likely be over played on one of the Disney Channels.

Also, today was the first day in my life that I wore boxers. I'll spare you the details.

My phone is still out for repairs. I should've gone through T-Mobile to get it fixed. I may have been able to buy a cheap replacement for $20. I don't know. Someone I know did that with another phone company.

Motorola - Support - Track the Status of my Service

Repair Status

We've received your phone, and we are working to get it back to you. See below to check where we are in the repair process. It typically takes us ten to fifteen business days to complete the repair from the time we receive your phone.



Notes: Our technicians are working on your phone. As soon as it's working just the way we'd like it to, we'll send it back to you in good working condition.


---

I wish I knew beforehand that it'd take 10 to 15 business days to fix my phone. Oh well. I suppose I could just try to think of going phoneless as retro.

advice column - mix CDs

"What if you want to download music to make someone a cd? You want to basically make them a mix cd...well, is there anything unethical about that? 'cause it's basically on your hard drive?"

That depends on where you got the music from. I don't think the free downloads would be a problem unless the site you get it from said it would be. I think with iTunes, you're allowed to make a certain number of copies
but i don't know if that's supposed to be for yourself alone.

It could boil down to your view of ethics vs. the law. The law itself isn't always "ethical." There are people who think restrictive licensing in itself is unethical and ultimately harmful to the industry and artists.

If you've entered a license agreement with itunes, it'd probably be unethical to violate that agreement.

Ask yourself this question. Was it ethical to copy songs off a cd to make mix tapes for your friends? It's the same with copying songs off a hard drive and putting it on CDs for your friends.

I don't know if there's even a mechanism to own multiple licenses for one song. You can now buy songs for people on itunes, but then your friends would have to sign up for it.

It kind of sucks being conscious of rules and wanting to obey them when all you want to do is share something nice with someone.

The artists probably don't even get much from the sale of songs to individuals. I'm sure it accumulates but I've heard most of an artist's income is from licensing to TV and touring and merch.

Maybe it's a situation like the speed limit or fireworks where the rule is there but you're almost expected to break it. You can get in trouble if you break on it but you really have to get caught doing some else, doing it in excess or be doing it when the cops are in a bad mood.

There's been talk of the system getting so bad that basically everyone is breaking the law and we should trust the industry to not prosecute except in the bad cases. A comparison was drawn with airports in Russia where you had to leave Russian currency at a certain point in the airport (I'm assuming you exchanged it for dollars or whatever) but the carts you could rent in the airport (beyond the checkpoint) only accepted Russian currency. In order to rent a cart you had to break the law. (the details of the story may be wrong but the concept is what I remember).

I'm not advocating that you break the law. It's just sad that something as simple as making a mix cd is such a hassle.

apparently my blogging widget is broken... I know, I know... it sounds like a "personal" problem to you.

I assure you it has corporate implications.

Waiting to sleep

Well, I'm all ready for bed. I've even said good night to my girlfriend. I've flossed and brushed my teeth, put on the flanel pj pants and swished imitation listerine around in my mouth for a while.

I'm waiting, however, for a nearly 90MB file to upload to the captioning company's ftp server. Hopefully, they'll be able to figure out how to adjust the captions for Escape from Hell (HTTP://www.reelchristian.com) so that they sync up all the way through.

It's just about done now. I'll fire off an email notifying them of it's existence and then go to bed.

Once again I'm typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something for the sake of typing something

[bored]

caved in

Well, I caved in to the cojolling (?) of my neice and got a myspace account (http://www.myspace.com/splyt) and why not while I'm at it sign up at http://facebook.com like so many of my coworkers. So far I like myspace better... if only for the interface.

"the White Sox have won the World Series"

wow... I'm not a baseball fan. I've probably only watched less than 30 seconds of Major League Baseball all year (excluding sitting in restaurants that have MLB on tv). Those few seconds were made up mostly of the end of World Series. somehow it seems weird that out of the entire season, I've only seen the last pitch of the last game (excluding any all-star or exhibition games). There's probably a sermon illustration in there some where.

another post for it's own sake

I get to work a little late tonight. yippee. I had an idea for a costume for my room mate's costume party but I don't know if I'll do it. Probably not. Maybe I'll just go as a noir detective. that might work :D

Mini Apple Rant and aww bombs

When Apple (the computer/consumer gadget company) came out with the G5 computers a few years ago they switched from PCI expansion slots to PCI-X expansion slots. The PCI-X slot is slightly different from the regular PCI slot. Because of that change we couldn't put our $3,500 MPEG-2 encoder card into the then new and much faster computers. Most of the new PCI cards at the time did work in the new PCI-X slots. Still, it would've been nice to have at least one normal PCI slot for the new machines. We still have the encoder card on the old machine because we didn't want to pay to have it replaced.

Apple is at it again. This past Wednesday they announced the new G5 Power Mac computers. This time they dropped PCI-X and AGP and went with PCI Express. Again, it's a new and more advanced technology and again they haven't left any legacy technology. This time, however, none of the hardware cards you already own will plug into the new slots. They aren't compatible with PCI, PCI-X or your AGP graphics slot. One could argue that they're doing that to save money however, they're machines are generally more expensive than comparable competing systems. (Which, by the way, continue to support older standards while incorporating new tech).

So Apple is sending off another big "screw you!" to it's professional customers who've spent thousands of dollars on hardware and would like to upgrade to the fastest new machines.

Argh. I was thinking about switching at some point, but things like this make me glad I haven't.

---

A memo/announcement on the website of where I work:

LUPD Bomb Recognition Training Oct. 24 & 25
LU Police Department

There will be a school for police officers about bomb recognition on October 24 and 25 held at the Liberty University Police Department.

On Monday late afternoon and Tuesday morning bomb demonstrations will be done.

Monday - vehicles will be used over at the old intramural fields south of the East Campus

Tuesday - one of the trailers at the OLD LUPD office area will be used for booby traps.

Please make sure you stay away from both areas.


Aww... that sounds pretty cool. I'd rather watch than stay away.

:D

smile!

Wirefly a pain

excerpted from an IM

I just finished filling out rebate forms for my cell phone

what a pain in the .....

I got it from wirefly.com

there were three rebates for it

I looked the info over and two of them needed to be taken care of later in time and that threw me off on the other one so I missed the deadline

and that was a big rebate

so now it's later so I just filled out the remaining two rebate forms (totaling $125)

but their requirements are just bizarre

(end of IM conversation)

The bizarre requirements are:
1) copy of a statement between 150 days after activation and 210 days after activation showing that you've been paying the bill
2) the rebate cannot be postmarked before 180 days after activation or after 210 days after activation.
3) the rebate form is also a legal form saying they can bill you $250 if your service stopped or you you switched to a cheaper rate plan during the first 180 days of service.

yikes.

I had misguesstimated the days from when I ordered the phone (presuming it was activated within a day or two after then) so I was thinking that 150 days ended around September 28 when it actually ended August 28. I could've missed the 180 days to 210 days window (ends oct 27)

Man, that would've been frustrating... to miss all the rebate deadlines. As it stands now everything is in order. I probably wouldn't be too surprised if this all goes horribly wrong somehow. I think I'll call t-mobile and make sure my service wasn't interrupted at all this year.

I wish you had broadband

Perhaps then we could Skype or voice chat.

The CIO (I think) of LU mentioned that when he's on the road he'll just phone home over the internet and talk to his wife. It's not like a phone conversation so much as a conversation from another room. The connection is left open and they can talk (or not talk) freely as if they were in the next room or the same room but not looking at each other. Since it's over the net, they don't have to worry about long distance fees or running out of minutes.

It's not as nice as being together but it'd still be neat for the times we aren't.

forgive my redundancies.

insomniac pt 2

well, off to bed again.... 3:10am

insomniac

I intended to be asleep now. I thought I was ready for slumber over an hour ago. Thoughts of unnecessary engineering roll around in my brain. I don't think I'll build a platform for my tent or a collapsable cot or something to prop up my cheap pup tent from the inside. I don't have time for that and it'd be easier and maybe cheaper to get a small air mattress.

---

I was able to get my motorcycle running last week. Or was that two weeks ago? The thing just doesn't want to start when it's cold. It's been more finicky since I wrecked it.

My motorcycle wouldn't start this morning. I think I may have run the battery down trying to get it started. Then Matt called asking for a ride to work from the garage. I suppose it's providence that I didn't get to work on my bike today. Parking wasn't the nightmare I was anticipating either.

I got to go for a ride in an airplane today. We're doing a video for the aviation department. Tim didn't want to go up so I volunteered. It was fun, but I don't know if we got usable audio or if the camera will be steady enough. It's hard to hold that kind of camera still in a small airplane and there isn't much room for a tripod.

I don't know if I'd call them sweet...

I just woke up from a dream and I also remember one from earlier this night/morning. Since it's 5 minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off I figured I'd type some of it down.

The first dream concerned me watching video clips on TV or the internet... kind of a comedy channel. It may have started as if it were on the internet but it ended with it on DirecTV. At any rate the last clip we saw was an old Abbot and Costello movie. The scene was in a bar. It may have been a western or 30's mob movie or a Mexican revolution kind of thing. I think mostly it was western without but with some anachronisms. At any rate, they were celebrating defeating the bad guys. There was some singing and at some point some of the people watching it with me laughed at some of the antics. Then the bad guys (or the relatives of those who were defeated) came in and shot everyone dead... including the sheriff and his deputy who tried to shoot their way in. There was this feeble, thin old guy who was struggling to arm his rifle by pumping it like a single pump BB gun rifle. He finally got it pumped and a hand reached in (we were looking from a first person perspective... remember we were watching this and not participating) grabbed his gun, and shot him with it. Some how it'd become an automatic rifle. So basically this comedy movie ended with the bad guys killing everyone. I thought it was a real downer of an ending for a comedy but also found it darkly funny for that reason. I would have liked to seen the rest of it.

The other big dream I had (and I think there were several other dreams or parts of these dreams that don't relate to the main story) started with a girl. A young girl went to school in the cave under a giant tree. It was an ordinary middle school except for the location. She was a bit of a nerd and got picked on some. I can't remember the reason but at some point she became sad and all the other kids were leaving. The tree (apparently an old, male tree) asked her what was wrong and she answered him. His response was to grow his roots over the entrances and exits trapping all the kids and employees inside. They continued like this for weeks with the tree basically playing god. No one could enter or leave the school so it had to become a bit of a culture of its own. I think maybe the tree let the girl out the first day and asked her to bring some stuff back. The parents weren't happy, but I guess no one but the local authorities believed them. No efforts were made to rescue the kids for some reason. Apparently communications weren't cut and somehow the tree had email because he was reported as requesting that emails be sent to someone else because it was spending all his time answering emails instead of being able to go dormant, whither and die. As I said there were other scenes not related to the storyline. At some point most of the kids were in one area and the tree was talking to the girl he apparently liked enough to do this to all the kids. He asked about the videos he requested that she bring. She evaded the question somehow. He announced to everyone that the video on Ethiopia would be shown. I think she said something to him, correcting him. At some point he started to rant. He said something about Galileo; presumably something about him being wrong. She said something to refute the nonsense the old tree was spewing and he grabbed her with a root (What else would he grab her with? He was a tree) and lifted her in the air. He was going to punish her in some way not nice I'm sure. By this point we know the tree is insane (as if there was any doubt before) and not the kindly old gent we initially thought he was. [yeah, poor sentence, so what.] This girl, who was once the timid misfit now rallied the kids to fight against and defeat the tree that held them captive. The loner became the leader. I don't know if the kids actually prevailed. I think they did. I saw a line of them facing the roots kind of sneering at them. I'm guessing they attacked them eventually, killing the tree and securing their freedom.

The story would make more sense if the kids were mice. I can imagine a children's book based on it then.

Now it's 38 minutes after my alarm went off. I have to get moving if I'm going to make my goal of being on the road to MD to PA by 8am. That's why I don't write down dreams. It takes too long. I left out stuff too. :)

Oh, I also had a dream where you bought a DVD player, I bought a large, flat panel TV and we sat cozily on the couch watching a video. Weird, huh?

breathing

! ?

deadline met

The package was dropped off at UPS with 5 minutes to spare.

I'm glad that's over.

work today is a pain

Frustrations sat fatly in the coach class airplane seat of the morning.

Post lunch, post phone chat with brown eyed, soft haired lady sees things moving more smoothly with hope that the unwanted co-traveler is moving to another seat.

This bird might land on time after. In the mean time it's a waiting game, to rhyme with cliché.

Rock on sunshine.

Thank you, God.

Late again

Another late night. What kept me so long? I'm not entirely sure. Things just slow down after a while. I should be sleeping now. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The good news

With all the money issues I've been having lately...

I've been informed that I can expect payment for the Winterfest work that I did on my own time in the next paycheck. It's a sizable chunk of money and though it won't cover the money I had to spend on my car, it'll cover most of it.

an odd duck

"'The other day we had a bird strike. We sent the sample to the DNA lab and it came back as rabbit. How do you explain to the FAA that we had a rabbit strike at 1,800 feet?'"

From an article in Wired: Bird Plus Plane Equals Snarge

I told you it was going to be an expensive month.

I hope the payment of a freelance gig I did comes in soon.

I got my car inspected today ($15) and a vibration problem checked out ($25). The only thing keeping it from passing is two of the tires, but the other two are pretty close to failing as well. That's not a surprise.

So... I'll need four new tires (~$68 each). The vibration issue is due to the front wheel bearings going bad. I was hoping it was a tire out of balance but I knew it could be a bearing issue. (2x$60 and 2x$20 in parts). It's a labor intensive process to switch out the bearing assemblies.

Due to the wear on the tires, they're recommending a four tire alignment.

All in all the estimate is over $900.

The good news is that I have another freelance gig that's been given the go ahead will cover the costs of car repair.

multitasking

I'm sitting in a portable chair in my driveway typing this blog entry. My digital camera is on a tripod pointed at the sky and connected to the laptop through a usb cable. It's taking pictures as the sun sets and the sky grows dark. The pictures are going straight to the computer's hard drive. Both the camera and the laptop are running off battery power.

If all goes well I'll have a cool time lapse shot of the sky fading to night in slightly higher than high definition resolution.

I wonder if I can change the camera settings between shots.

hmm...

+3 yrs and banking blunder bygones

Wow, I just noticed that I started this blog over 3 years ago.

I didn't think, back then, that it'd be instrumental in attracting a woman to be my girlfriend. Well, maybe it was in the back of my mind to some degree. Oh well. If only for that effect, I'm glad I started it :)

I'm past the emotions of the overdrawn account incidents. I should probably write to the bank and complain some more. The system is flawed in such a way that it hurt me (so to speak) more than I think it should've. Oh well.

simple self portrait

I posed and took a picture of myself with the camera in my phone. I then took it into Photoshop and traced over it. It's shown actual size here but due to the way I made it I can make it as large as I want.

cha ching grrr

When I checked my account this morning a couple of transactions from Monday and Tuesday had posted.... along with a $68 overdraft fee.

I went to the bank to try to minimize the damage and change my savings account into an "overdraft protection" savings account. The lady there did remove one of the two overdraft fees from yesterday. I don't know why she could only remove one and not both or two of the ones from Tuesday.

I had forgotten about the trip to Taco Bell on Monday and the $40s of groceries I bought Tuesday. Even with the money I tried to have transfered on Wednesday (the 14th) I still would have been in an overdraft situation for those two items.

The good news is that the lunch I had yesterday didn't incur a $34 fee. I DID get a $34 refund for one of the transactions that went through yesterday. Also, I won't be hit with a bounced check fee from the feds.

As for the $102 overdraft fee for transactions that went through Tuesday, I'm still paying them apparently. BB&T processes the largest item first which of course is so rent checks etc get highest priority. The downside of that is that I was hit with 3 overdraft fees even though I had enough money to cover 2 of them. Practically speaking, in this instance there wasn't enough money in the account to cover the large check no matter what order the transactions were processed. The upshot of it is I was hit with the maximum fees possible for the 3 transactions.

This week the system is against me.

cha-ching a no go

Well the euphoria of a narrowly averted diverted disaster has shifted to something rather upsetting. The check that I thought hadn't cleared yesterday did. The amount I transfered wasn't enough to cover the check + weekend transactions + overdraft fee. Because BBandT's online banking doesn't show the day's transactions at the end of the day I experienced a false hope and now, I fear, an additional overdraft fee because I used my check card to pay for lunch.

I think I'll go to the bank tomorrow to see if I can have some of the fees removed. I think $102 for an overdraft fee is too high. It's probably for the three transactions that were posted that day. If the time of day a transaction is posted doesn't matter then I shouldn't be charged for all three transactions because only the big one couldn't be covered by the amount in there. If they don't see it my way I'll probably take my money elsewhere.

cha ching

It's a good thing that I checked my bank account last night. If my estimated tax payent check were to be cashed yesterday or today I would be overdrawn. I transfered some out of savings so I'm covered. I get paid in a couple of days. Hopefully it'll be the check that includes the extra hours I worked on the Winterfest Promo. That'd be sweet. When I get that I can make another large car payment. Not $2,000 large, but sizeable still... though I may need it for other non-fixed expenses.

road work

Heavy roller smoothing out the new pavement in front of the house around 11 o'clock at night.

There's nothing quite like the drone of heavy machinery rumbling along, beeping while backing up and pounding the pavement into submission to help one fall asleep at night. At times the whole house shakes. I woke up more than once last night due to the road work going on out there. The road didn't look like it was in bad condition before. A smooth new road is always nice. Of course, it takes a while to get to that point, not as long as you might expect, but time nonetheless.

The last two days have seen uneven pavement across the four lanes of the road out front. I think that contributed to an accident a couple of houses down. I heard a little screeching of tire, the sound of (I presume) tires going across a few textures of pavement and then a thud. It wasn't incredibly loud or distinct but it was enough to get me up looking around. I didn't bother going outside to really see the damage but I did manage to see a car parked awkwardly partially on the street and partially off the side from an upstairs window. We live a block away from the emergency vehicle station so their response time was quite good in this instance.

Josh Fisher

One of my nephews made it in the newspaper.

http://local.lancasteronline.com/4/17010

"Friday night against Conestoga Valley, Fisher caught five passes for 102 yards, including four for touchdowns, in Garden Spot’s 41-21 Section 2 victory."

"Those were the first four TDs of Fisher’s varsity career."

how not to respond

Does this dress make me look fat?

No, dear. You make the dress look fat.

Why did I have so much trouble getting up this morning?
Oh yeah, I stayed up late.

http://makemedance.com

web advertising that is entertaining.

click on [make me dance] in the top menu bar of the site
click on a character (I suggest the overweight guy)
drag a song from the list to the phone and watch him dance

for even more fun, you can upload a picture of your face and watch you dance.

for even more fun upload a picture of your friend and watch them dance ;)

...on spiritual life support.

I was going to write out some thoughts on the hurricane aftermath. The morning has brought distractions that have sucked the desire to write that piece right out of me. Well, maybe I'll get to it later. Maybe I won't.

YOJOE.COM | G.I.Joe on Television

remants

once thrift store fodder now sacred relics
memories interwoven with thread and buttons
the weight and pull of sentiment fix items in space
what force can move them?
none without incurring the toll of tears

last night

well actually this morning...

I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I don't know why. I prayed some (groggily) and did a bit of web surfing. I wandered down the stairs to use the bathroom. On the way back I passed a bewildered looking room mate (T) without saying a word. It was almost like he was seeing a ghost. There was a second look as well but still no conversation. He just asked me if I stayed up till 6 last night. Um... no. well I did go back to sleep and eventually dragged myself out of bed at a slightly later than appropriate time a couple of hours later.

a friend of mine once said...

knowing someone and understanding someone are two entirely different concepts

Another day in the life of a graphic designer *cough*
my boss was out today so I emailed him an update.

The DVDs and FCP are finally here. They were delivered on Monday. When we called and asked about it earlier today they said it hadn't come in but we got the tracking numbers from Mike at Apple. We called Central Receiving back and told them it was there and then they found it. Matt went down and picked it up. I sent the Serial number to promax so they can finally finish the install.

The apple discs came on spindles this time. We should probably get more cases.

I CCed the email I sent vickie RE: squeeze. Since then we called the post office. I talked to a guy there. He said it was probably sent up to purchasing. He asked for the tracking number, my name and extension and said he'd dig around or something and that he'd then give me a call. I don't remember his name, unfortunately and I haven't received a call from him. I'll be leaving soon.

I looked into the DVD specs and I'm pretty sure that if a DVD burner works with 4x discs that it'll work with 8x discs. I guess that was an issue with the older 1x and 2x pioneer drives.

Speaking of pioneer I downloaded the templates for the pioneer recorder (PRV-LX1) so we can easily change the backgrounds on the built in menus.

Well, that's about it I guess. I'm going to take my bike in to get inspected.

Hey there, I'm writing this from a hotel room in Harrisonburg VA. We got in around midnight and Danny and Tim are sleeping or attempting to sleep right now. Danny is kind of tagging along with us so he is sleeping on the floor. I'll attempt sleep soon too. The alarm goes off at 7:35am and the class starts at 9.

There's free high speed wireless internet here, supposedly. I don't get a signal so I had to plug into the ethernet drop in the wall. Not a big deal.

We came up in Danny's SUV but I drove since I know the way pretty well. I go by here on the way to PA - a trip I make a few times a year.

Things with Becca and I are going well. I'm still coming to terms with that ;)

Sleep is beckoning. I should go now. Good night.

game over :[

S. Korean man dies after 50 hours of computer games - Yahoo! News

I heard yesterday that the marriage of one of my friends is... well... I don't know the details but I don't think they're livin in the same state anymore.

I'm sorry to hear that, man. I can't imagine the hurt involved in that kind of situation. I hope you can heal and forgive.

Four hours is better than 48. It is doing what you love to do. Though perhaps not to those motivated to learn. The Lord will provide both for you and for them. I pray you'll know if this is something He wants you to do.

I'm sooo tired and will hopefully be asleep in a few minutes. I've been working for the past 4 hours or so but feel like i haven't accomplished much. Some of what I did work on may need to be redone. Well I guess I need to go to sleep so I can function tomorrow. I'll probably be working on this project all day tomorrow unless we get an extension on the deadline.

I'm intrigued in a most pleasant way by the thought of Becca either living here and commuting to Georgetown or living here and doing something different for school... maybe a distance learning thing from Penn State and a summer program at Middlebury. Georgetown is a great school but a few hours from here. It's also very expensive in relation to her other options. She can get too separate masters degrees from those two other (yet still respectable) schools for the price of one from Georgetown.

My feeling is that she'll probably go through with Georgetown though I'll support whatever decisions she makes... unless I think of strong and valid reasons for her not to make a specific one... in that case I suppose I'll support her in the decision and through its consequences. ^_^

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

you know, It's at times like these that I have to sit back and wonder... Did I forget to put on deodorant today?

Aww, but I like reading your blog. Sure you can just tell me on the phone, but it's nice to read your words and not just hear them sometimes. Of course, it's been a while since I've read a creative writing piece of yours.

yay growing/maturing.

Hmm... The thought crossed my mind a few minutes ago that I don't feel at all threatened by C. Well, especially not now that he's engaged, but even before that. I can't guarantee that I'll never get jealous, but I'm not at the moment.

I remember you musing briefly how different things could've been if we had started all of this when I first "smiled" at you last August. So much of what you said you've been thinking about has been greatly colored by your experience with C and your recent conversations with him. It's neat to see the way things seem to fit together in order for us to be at the place where we're at right now.

Praise God. :)

oh, and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I'm looking forward to our next talk. :)

[to all of those who don't know what I'm talking about: I'm sorry. This blog, at times, functions as a notepad on which I leave notes to the woman who is now my girlfriend. I don't feel too bad about that because I don't think it gets read by many and well, I'm not saying anything too personal, I think.]

fear confirmed and brought kicking and screaming into daylight
i don't know what's wrong with me.
i want you to be happy but am just making you sad
kiss me I don't want to think anymore
God loves you as you are
Greg, Kristen, Alex, Melissa, Scott, Angela, Charles and others all accept you as you are right now and how you were a year ago.
Why did I cry in May? Because I cared for you and saw that you liked me and saw how much it'd hurt if I was scared off.
I'm so sorry to put you through this.
yes, it's good to be open and honest.
I wonder if that's a bit naive and that some things shouldn't be mentioned even if they are thought.
I have already decided that I'll need a better excuse to walk away than that one. So in a sense the point is moot.
I'm sorry I made you feel bad. I'm glad you opened up to me though. I didn't realize how deep and raw the pain is.
Is there anything I can do or say now that can make it better?
Try not to worry about it.

Lord, keep her safe and alert as she travels the road. Amen

It isn't the issue that scares me. It's the conversation about the issue that I'm afraid will mess up what we have.

Don't worry.

I'm still sorting through some thoughts and thinking about how to say it. I like what we have now. I want to be open about what is concerning me but I don't know if it's even necessary to talk about (or it wouldn't have been if I hadn't said anything). I just don't want to mess up what we already have by saying something stupid and ultimately unnecessary. And yet here I am yammering on about it in vague terms making you worry and wonder. Fear is the path to the dark side. Oh wait, you haven't seen episode 3 yet. :p

I'm happier with you than I've been my entire adult life.

I have a girlfriend. :) I'm still not exactly sure what that's going to mean for us, but I look forward to finding out too. :p

Well now, It's finally happened. RR and I are now officially dating. Most of my family knows but as far as I know none of my friends here in town know. Well, they haven't asked :)

What does it mean to have a girlfriend and be in a committed relationship? Honestly, I don't know. We've been talking almost every day for nearly 6 months. Now that she's within arms length we haven't been very far apart for very long. I think the only times I could've spent with her but didn't were my lunch breaks at work. Part of the reason I didn't invite her to all of them is that I didn't want to have to give directions. I suppose some space is good though. Now she's on the road, headed for Roanoke for the week. I think I'll like being back to pure conversation without the distraction of being together. Don't get me wrong, being together is muy bueno and ultimately critical for a solid relationship. There's something special about our phone time that is perhaps hampered by the newness of this all when she's here.

ahh i'm falling asleep. i should go.

Lord, guide her safely to her destination, help us to keep You as the highest point in our lives and never plpace each other in Your place.

Yay!

and in other news

Apple released an update to iSync and it finally supports my phone. Now My calendar and address books can match. Of course that nearly makes the little app I bought to sync the address book obsolete. Oh well.

Well, RR has been here since Thursday night. She's staying in the apartment of a friend for the weekend until one of my room mates gets back in town. Then she'll stay with us for the rest of her time in Lynchburg. It was decided that we wouldn't be in the same house overnight without someone else here.
It's nice having her around.
Of course, there are things I worry about and maybe some I should that I'm not. I'm not 100% sure about us, but I figure I'll enjoy what we have now and not worry about the rest until later. Are we being too "friendly?", I wonder.
It's nice having her around.
It seems a bit more difficult to come up with things to say while we're together than it was on the phone. I wonder why. I'm not sure the reality of the situation has completely sunk in yet.
Ah but it's nice having her around.

Thank God.

She said i was right. :p

and so begins another new chapter...

I'm now in an odd mood akin to melancholy or nostalgia but with no object. Some of this can be attributed to having just finished watching Gungrave disc 5. It's a Japanese animated TV series (anime) about a man who was in the mafia. He is loyal to the organization, or rather the organization as it was. Now he has to fight his old friends and comrades and I suppose take down the very thing he's fighting for and against.

It's a twisted situation that, while being fantasy, could happen. I can imagine fighting for the ideals of a country or revolution and then find that your cause has been co-opted and now you're on the outside. Okay, that's not entirely true. I can't imagine fighting. Well, that's not entirely true either. I can picture it if I try, but I don't really want to.

I've been playing the Battlefield 2 demo. It's an online video game where you and up to 63 other players play war. It doesn't make me want to go out and shoot someone. It doesn't make me want to go to war. It's fun but I don't want to live it. There are two teams. One is the US Marines and the other is some mid-east army. As an American citizen I really dislike playing on the other team. Sometimes it forces you to so that the game play is fair. I'd rather quit that game and go find a different server and join another one. I feel the same way in Counter Strike. I don't like playing the terrorists. I'd much rather be a counter-terrorist. I know it's just a game, but somehow it doesn't feel good to be on the wrong side.

After work I went for a motorcycle ride with Rachel. It was a nice day for it. There was a haze in the air that marred the scenic wonder of the area. The landscape is prettier when it's clear out. After the ride we ate at a pizza place I'd been wanting to try. It was okay. The sell pizza by the slice like they do in the places I used to frequent in PA. The pizza was not the greatest but it was pretty edible.

RR has started her journey here. The first step is a small one. From Tacoma, WA to Portland, OR. After a bit of time there she plans on driving to Oklahoma in three days or so. She'll rest there for a few days before continuing on to Virginia.

I don't know exactly what will happen then. I guess I'll find out when that happens. :) I hope and pray that she gets here safely.

Amazon.com: Books: Under the Overpass : A Journey of Faith on the Streets of America

There was an interview with the author of this book on the Christian radio station this morning. I heard a bit of it on my way out and decided to tune in and hear the rest on the way to work. This guy decided to live as a homeless person for 5 months or so to see how the church deals with the homeless. It got me thinking a little bit about faith and location. Is it easier to trust God in familiar surroundings? I suppose it's easier to rely on yourself in familiarity and fear the unfamiliar. A few weeks ago Darrel supposed that Christians would be better suited for deep space exploration (should the technology advance that far) that atheists and agnostics. His reasoning was that we believe God is everywhere and can protect and provide for us anywhere He wishes. That got me thinking a bit about RR moving across the country to a new place where she knows only a couple of people who'll be hours away. However the God she trusts int he Pacific North-West looks over the Mid-Atlantic States as well.

Rest easy and try to be content in your situation. Sometimes the timing isn't up to you and maybe things just aren't ready for you here yet.

:D

This sounds like something RR would like to be involved in given the opportunity. It fits with her talents and skills as well as her heart for loving people in practical ways.

Storytelling Medicine

I do kind of wish I knew more about my own parents. It's not like me to ask the questions though. I wonder why I'm so hesitant in this sort of thing.

July 3rd, 2005

I partly would like to write a bit of poetry in commemoration of a cross country trip and the preparations of the traveler. Too bad I'm not quite in that mood. ;)

Today was good. I went to church and actually got there a little before the service started. I nearly met a girl who was visiting the church for the first time. She sat in the row behind me. Well, she sat down in the row I was going to sit in so I decided to sit in the row in front of her. Darryl's Bible was already there and I wanted to save space for whatever other friends would sit there. Rachel is the only one that showed up of the group that usually sits there. It was communion Sunday and there were a lot of announcements, it seemed, so they didn't have the midservice "greet your neighbors" time while the kids were dismissed to their classes. Because of that I had less opportunity to casually turn around and introduce myself. That's okay though. I don't really want to start something new with someone new so close to the time when RR and I can actually spend time together. I mean, that'd just complicate things unnecessarily. I don't want to do that. I did feel a little bad about her sitting by herself. Eventually some other people came in and sat down beside her and I'm not terribly good at making people feel welcome and at ease. It's not my gift :)

The sermon was based in the second half of Galatians 3. It was about the law and it's relationship to Christ as well as being descendants of Abraham and children of God because of our faith in him. It was my week to help clean up after church so I did.

I went to the grocery store and bought some soda in anticipation of several people coming over for a cookout Tim called for lunch. I got home and cleaned the grill slightly, put the soda in the fridge and poured some ice into a separate container. No one showed up for lunch. Some people did eventually show up later. Most of my afternoon was spend hanging around not doing much. Eventually we played some Worms 3D and then went to see Kung Fu Hustle at the cheap theater. I liked Shaolin Soccer better. This had it's funny parts but the violence was a bit too graphic in parts.

After that we watched the fireworks over at Liberty. Then we went home. I talked to RR for a bit then watched disc 4 of Gungrave. Now I'm here looking forward to tomorrow. I don't have any plans. I may work some at home. I don't think I'll go into work though.

I'm getting tired. I wonder if RR is does with Kim yet?

Good night.

Hey RR,
Just so you know, sometimes when I mention the possibility of things not working out it isn't because I'm warning you about something. That's just the way I think. I just want to tell you what's on my mind. ^_^

I am afraid.

I just checked the schedule at Movies 10. Both Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Kung Fu Hustle are now playing at the 2nd run theater here in town. What I am afraid of is that they'll both be gone by the time RR gets here. I was kind of hoping to see either one with her. I've already seen Hitchhiker's and I suppose that one could stick around for a couple of weeks but is esoteric enough to pass through this town very quickly. Kung Fu Hustle is only playing twice a day so there's a very good chance that it'll only be here until next Friday.

I'm sorry RR, I'm a afraid we'll have to watch them at home if ever.

Oh happy day (sarcastically speaking)

Okay, the flood in the studio doesn't really bother me. We didn't lose any important equipment and it wouldn't be mine anyway. Maybe I'm not as loyal to the office as I should be, eh? Some times I'm just too apathetic.

I left the office around 6 or 6:30. The package I've been waiting for was waiting for me when I got home. It contained two fast hard drives and a hard drive controller card. I won't go into the details but I can't set it up the way I intended to and that's very annoying. I sent an email to the tech support of the card manufacturer but I don't expect much.

We were going to work on the color effects for the short film that's been stalled for a while. We're getting close to finishing it, but we have been for quite a while now. Anyway, in order to get a better idea of the coloring I want to see it on a video monitor. The way I can do that by hooking my video camera up to the computer's firewire port. The computer's case has a firewire port on the top that I didn't hook up until recently because I didn't have the right connection inside the computer. I got a different firewire card that has what i thought was the right connector. Apparently it wasn't because after plugging my camera into it, the firewire connection on the camera no longer works. I broke my camcorder. It was an expensive camcorder and I plugged it into something I wasn't sure was wired right. How stupid is that? If I decide to get it fixed I guess It'll just be another $300 "stupidity tax."

argh

Tomorrow I intend to spend $300 on a digital camera. It's used so I'll have to check it out and make sure it's worth it still. If it's in good condition that's a good price. I'll still have to get a lens for it and memory cards and maybe a few other accessories, but it was a $2000 camera body when it came out a few years ago.

ugh. I just can't hold on to money at the moment.

rain :D

There's nothing quite like a catstrophic drain failure in the roof of studio where you work during a summer thundershower to brighten your day. :D

I'm afraid I'm on the cusp of being very busy. I don't necessarily like being very busy. I just found out that they want the Winterfest Promo ready for duplication on August 1, 2005. That gives me about a month to do it. That means I really need to get started on it now. At least the work is fun. I'm supposed to do a 3D fly around of a church building. I won't know how involved that'll be until I get the 3D files or blueprints. At least it's just an exterior shot. I probably have to reauthor the Treasure Principle DVDs for DRC Productions. Actually, I have to make both an English and Spanish version. I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Don't worry, I'll take time to rest and play and vacation a bit this July, but wow. I have a lot to do.

Well the big bits of news... I have my new glasses all sorted out. I had new lenses put in but they didn't work right. They had the lenses in wrong. The lady there said they were "turned." I don't know what that means. I didn't think they could go in more than one way. The frames are perfectly oval or anything but I guess they were able to fit them in two ways. Now they are in and working the way they should. I wonder if my habit of allowing my eyes to lose focus is a bad thing. At any rate my vision is still good enough for me to get by without glasses, but there is a noticeable difference with my right eye when the left one is covered. I'll attempt to get in the habit of wearing them... At least while using a computer.

Marcus and Sarah's wedding was today. The ceremony wasn't too long. I think if I get married and have a traditional wedding I'll want to have a reduced amount of special music. I don't have anything against live music (at least not when it's done well) but I don't think I'll want to be standing there in front of everyone for 3 minutes doing nothing except waiting for the song to end. I think I'd be nervous enough as it is and would welcome some kind of activity to engage the mind. The reception lasted a long time. They finally got around to the bouquet and garter thing like 2 hours after the reception started. It was still going on when we left around 9:15. The wedding started at 5:00 and was probably done by 5:45. They had a full meal which was tasty and there was quite a bit of dancing. Fun stuff... At least it looked like fun. I was doing the whole stick-in-the-mud routine and didn't participate except for the hokey pokey near the end. I felt rather stiff and awkward then. I can imagine myself out there dancing, if only in a humorous way, but find it difficult to actually go out there and do it. Oh well. Someday I'll surprise my friends and do something like that.

On another note, I am reminded of how much I need grace. No, I don't care to elaborate.

Well, I probably could say more... It's been a while since I've written much or perhaps written much that was deeper in me. It's late though.

Yay. Lord willing, I'll be talking with a friend on the phone within the next 24 hours.

I've been quiet in here lately.

Too bad for you.

Mwahahaha

wheels turn again

The motorcycle is running. All we had to do was syphen a 1/2 gallon of gas out of the airbox. Man, that was seriously flooded. :)

Okay, so I sound like a broken record... And I underestimate your coping skills. Maybe I'm not warning you all the time... Maybe I'm just blogging my thoughts and feelings. As it is I can't say everything here because this gets read. :D

Do I want you to not enjoy life? Well, no. Am I trying to dampen your spirits with warnings about the future? I don't think so. Though I have done that in the past.

I get nervous when I think you like me more than I like you at a given moment.

Maybe it isn't me nobly trying to protect you. It might only be me selfishly wanting to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Maybe it's me trying to avoid being the bad guy. Maybe I'm just a bitter, die-hard pessimist who can't stand to see other people be happy (though I'm very clean). Okay, that's overstating it. (both)

I know. I need to chill out and stop putting unnecessary relational pressure on the situation. It's a fine day on the riverbank. Sure, I'd like to go for a swim, but it'd be best to wait for the right time. Now if only it weren't for those pesky mosquitoes. ^_^

Yes, a brief conversational hiatus might be a good thing. I already miss talking to you though.

BTW, I like you. I think you're neat... Not tidy ATM, but you have a good excuse.

:P


Black Cloud O'er Me

well i've got things in this suitcase i'm carrying
well i've got things some of them you can't see
and the others let's pretend they're of no consequence
yeah i've always had this black cloud over me

when the ground you stood upon is giving way
under the rip tide and flood of a cold sea
yeah and your heart keeps making tracks to where it shouldn't be going back
yeah i've always had this black cloud over me

yeah and pride she's a pit of many snakes
and reason well she's still the devil's whore
though the cannon ball may fly and the sabres baptize
well turn the eyes of faith upon the Lord

and some will shake off the sloth of faithlessness
while others simply languish in their sleep
me i just fight to stay awake
yeah i've always had this black cloud over me

Written by Bill Mallonee for CyBrenJoJosh (BMI) ©2000

monkeys and motorcycles

Someone shoved monkeys through the mailslot for me today... or rather a picture of monkeys. It was a nice surprize. I'm so not used to someone being fond of me like that. I don't quite know how to feel about it. :D

I tinkered with the motorcycle after work for a little bit. I can safely say that the engine has not seized up though I need to change the oil. It has a lot of gas in it. The fuel leak has stopped as far as I can tell. It's turning over now but it isn't starting yet. Oh well, it's closer than it was this morning and that's a good thing.

Feeling better

I'm feeling a bit better this afternoon than I did last night or this morning. The sun is out and there are just enough clouds to make the sky interesting to look at.

This morning I dropped the freshly charged battery in and tried to start the motorcycle. It still didn't turn over. Even though I set the petcock (fuel valve) to the right setting it still seems to be leaking fuel. I may have to have someone else fix it. My brother in-law knows a guy :) I really don't want to spend more money on it. I'm beginning to think that it may be too much of a drain on the wallet to keep going with it.

It felt weird to have not actually talked to RR yesterday. I'm still having mixed feelings about the whole subject of us. That's okay though, I think. We've still spent very little time together and I can still see the things in my life that make me nervous about whether or not I'd been good for her. Yeah, that's the diplomatic version... but still true. That's not to say I'm pessimistic about it all. Oh no. I'm just a bit moody and stumbling through the undiscovered country.

I've said it before and it's still true. I'm glad I met you, Bxx.

Breaking Rules

It is a well established rule that one should not attempt an upgrade in the middle of a project. I broke that rule and perhaps I'm suffering the fate of doing so. So far I've only installed one of my three main applications (I have several more but Lightwave, Photoshop and DFX+ are the big three): DFX+. Well, it's working but it crashes a lot. 1AM snuck up on me so I didn't get around to installing PS or LW. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow before church. If I can't get it working right I'll just have to put the old drive back in and deal with its quirks. Maybe removing the second graphics card will make it more stable. Aww but having 3 monitors is way cooler than only 2.

I currently have my LCD next to my big Dell monitors. Well, um... The LCD is a lot brighter. The Dells are used and I don't know how old. It's more than likely that they are much dimmer than they should be. I got them cheap, but now I'm thinking I should replace them with new ones. Maybe just one big expensive one... nah. I'll probably go with a couple of 17 inch Samsung LCDs. (~$350) The problem with that option is that I only have one DVI port on my graphics card. The 24-inch Dell monitor that we're getting at work would be a good one to get as well. That one is about $1,199.00 but you kind of only need one. The thing is huge. Ouch. That's a lot of money but it'd be sweet.

LCDs are easier on the eyes than the CRTs.

argh

errands

I went to the eye doctor place and ordered new lenses for my glasses ($68). I went to Sam's Club to buy the hard drive, but apparently they were out of the one I was going to get so I got the 250GB one instead ($125). Grrr.... I'm not enjoying watching the money in my care disappear. I'm not a shopoholic but I'm afraid I'm started to show symptoms.

a new day

Okay, it isn't really a big deal but I have a new way of adding entries to the blog and so I am trying it out. dashblog

meh. it doesn't have spell check and some of the other nice little features of blogger or blogthis.

We had visitors at work this morning. Powel (Paul) Kaminski and his wife and daughter, Paulina. He used to work here and as a matter of fact was once a room mate of mine. He left LU a year or so after I did so it was weird hearing my boss remember his little daughter playing and sleeping here in the office. I remembered the girl, but not her frolicking here. It's part of that weird time period from mid '97 to Dec '99 when I wasn't working here. There are thing that seem like they should be familiar from that time but are entirely foreign to me. This includes people who've worked here that I just don't know.. some I've never met.

The strange thing about seeing Paul is that my boss dominated the conversation. He's more personable than I and well, I don't know what happened in the year after I left. The experiences that were shared, etc. Oh well, it was still good to see them, even if I didn't have much to talk about.

I decided on a course of action for hard drive upgrades... at least the first step.


I intend to go to Sam's Club and buy a 160GB IDE hard drive they have there for a good price (if they have it in stock). I'll make a partition the size of the 74GB Western Digital Raptor 10,000 RPM drive. Hopefully I'll be able to use Norton Ghost to make an image of the drive after I have everything installed and updated. Later on, when I get the money to make the upgrades I'll buy the raptor and copy the image to that drive and use that as the system drive. Okay, so I don't know if that'll really work or not. I hope so. If I do so I'll just put the 160GB drive in an external USB2.0 case I have and use it for general storage and or backups.

Good morning.

My motorcycle wouldn't start this morning. It seemed like the battery was dying. It's a new battery so I'm pretty sure it's not that this time... but rather something else in the electrical system that may prevent it from charging properly. Maybe it's something else entirely. Who knows.

Last night I slept well intermittently. I woke myself up out of a dream around 3:30am. In the dream I was walking home from somewhere and someone was calling me or heckling me for walking or something. I shouted a reply that basically ended up sounding like Frankenstein's monster. I woke up then. That dream seemed to have 3 phases. That was the last one.. I can remember more than the bit I mentioned but don't really want to type it all out.

Sleeping the rest of the morning was restful but not solid. The room mates woke me up with the sounds of their living. I'm not complaining about it. I'm just reporting the facts. Well, I made it to work safe and sound.

Have a day.

Dana

Sounds like someone has the case of "the Mondays"

blah

I got up this morning and had my eyes examined. hmm... I should probably get new lenses for the glasses I almost never wear and start wearing them. I have a "floater" which is, apparently a medical condition and therefore the exam was covered under the medical insurance instead of the vision insurance or whatever. Might left eye is ~20/23 right eye is ~20/25 and aparently I have astigmatisms in both eyes and I'm far sighted... particularly in the right. I never really noticed problems seeing thing up close with the right eye, but it is blurry farther away. go figure.

My eyes were dilated and my body tired from being short on sleep the last two nights so I just lounged around most of the afternoon. the afternoon has left me blah.

I did manage to do personal finance chores and that's a good thing.

There are a few things for me to do tonight... we'll see if I do them :D The sun is still out and I should join it for a bit.

I was going through some old emails when I found this relic from another unrequited love interest. :D

Hey Dana! It was great to see ya on the bus yesterday. So now that you have my phone # you are welcome to bother me anytime you want. I happen to be awake most hours these days except for when I have a long nap where I drool on my pillows and nothing can wake me up but my urge to waken and visit you. So anyway, what are you doing later? I'm going to the coffee house activity tonight that doesn't start until 11. I guess you could say I'm actually having a weekend like most college students have - but definitely my first weekend without having to do mega mega studying. So what are doing for dinner? Maybe we could go out to eat - and Danny too... that would be fun. Please don't disappoint me and turn me down and make me cry a river and drown the whole world.

Call me .. you got my #.
K___
-----Original Message-----
From: Burman, Dana (DLP Studio)
To: S_____, K____ B___
Sent: 10/27/03 12:14 AM
Subject: RE: hey stranger

The cake wasn't spoiled, it was never made. It just wasn't worth it
without you. I don't know about getting allergic, maybe I'd get
dependent. Oh, who am I kidding? I already am Kara dependency issues.
Okay, maybe not yet, but I could see it happening. Sure, it's fun the
first couple of times you try it, but after a while it's all you care
about. Before long your sense of normal is skewed and it just doesn't
feel right without you... it... whatever. But one or twice can't hurt
right? [-ed: if you haven't guessed by now my sense of humor includes
suddenly switching to a play mode where I split off onto a tangent and
dance around a little bit. Sometimes it involves acting out a scene or a
conversation. I blame the Monkees for that. It was something they did on
their show and I was, apparently, very impressionable when I watched the
reruns. Try not to get too confused.]

So you have a horrible chest cold? Has it affected your voice? Do you
sound like a man or just a young woman with a chest cold?

Now that I have your phone number (yippy) I should ask you what hours
are acceptable for calling? Is there a too late or too early to call or
do you simply turn your phone off when you don't want to be bothered?

What would a brain massage be like?

Take care, try not to work too hard.
Dana

-----Original Message-----
From: S_____, K____ B___
To: Burman, Dana (DLP Studio)
Cc: S_____, K____ B___
Sent: 10/25/03 1:37 PM
Subject: RE: hey stranger


I'm so sorry I spoiled your cake. I did not mean to really... :( :(
double sad face yes I am. I will return. I will come back and bring such
sweet sunshine into your life that you'll be allergic when I'm around so
much. We definitely need to have a dinner and a movie night with
everybody. I am definitely missing your smiling face and Danny's salmon
and salad dinners. I have a horrible chest cold so at the moment I am
quite disgusting, but I'm sure I will be popping back into your life
hopely by mid-week if that long. Give me a call sometime .. my cell # is
xxx-xxx-xxxx. We gotta hang out. Again I'm so for so abrupting
abandoning you...K___ just got very sad and not too happy with B______
at the time. I will be moving out of the hotel in a week and will be in
my new apartment style dorm with friends! Hallelujah! Talk to you soon.
Thanks for the adorable email it made me laugh out loud.
K___ :) but you can call me CareBear
-----Original Message-----
From: Dana Burman
To: kb______@liberty.edu
Sent: 10/22/03 5:54 PM
Subject: hey stranger

This isn't working out. The whole concept of only seeing you when you
randomly decide to show up at the house or randomly cross my path just
isn't cool. My eyes are depressed in your absence. All light is gone out
of the world and only shadowy forms, strange and disturbing, remain. I'm
like a blind man who, through a miracle of science, had received his
sight, but soon after lost it again. Life without you is like a carrot
cake without the cream cheese icing. I'm not saying you're fattening,
just that you make things better. Okay, I don't miss you quite that
much, but I still think we should get together for coffee and/or chi
tea.

Dana

I'm afraid it may really be gone this time...

unless I find it in the back of John's Van. I don't really want to buy a replacement silverish pen with a rubber grip but I've grown to like that pen. I think I can get it at wal-mart for not too much. A Zebra F-402 .7mm with black ink is what I want. I have a refill for it already as there are two refills in a pack and when I rescued (cough) the pen from the parking lot it was dry. I liked the feel and looks of the pen. It feels fairly solid and mostly comfortable to hold. It has a nice weight to it without feeling to stiff. When I picked it up I thought it was a more expensive pen than it really it. The short of it is that I can afford to replace it.

Update:
It was in the back of John's van. I don't have to buy a new one. :D

Sweet dreams await me for sure.

I returned to my room from the brushing of the teeth operation to find, perched menacingly on the corner of the foot of my bed, with forceps raised and armed, an earwig of normal build and colored as most earwigs are. It was only last week that Rich regaled us all with a tale of the panic and distress he endured when he woke to the sound of scratching near by. It took but a few moment before he realized that the sound was coming from inside his own ear. He flushed the ear with water until the creature exited it's fleshy cave. An earwig (aptly named in this instance) had violated poor Rich's personal space. My visitor had not been so intimate with me though I felt my space was violated as well. A bit of action with a paint stirrer ended this insect's life and banished his remains from my room. Still, and you may think me paranoid, but I shall sleep with earplugs in tonight. I don't know how he got on my bed but that's just too close for comfort.

Sweet Dreams to you. I knew you'd appreciate the story :D

Hmm. One of the two mirrors I bought didn't screw into where it needed to screw into. I don't think I'll bother sending them back because I really only needed one. I just don't like that they don't match. The new ones are a bit strange in that the objects in the mirror may be farther away than they appear. If that is an issue (this results in a smaller viewing area) and a simple, small, stick-on convex mirror doesn't work for me I may consider sending it back for that reason. I've thought about trying to rethread the stem that won't screw in but that means I'll have to find or buy a metric tap and die (I'm not sure how that's spelled) set.

The foam rubber hand grips I bought didn't fit either. The throttle side I don't think would fit at all and the clutch or left side was too long. I couldn't send those back because I already cut out the ends to make it work with my bike. That's not a problem though because I was able to pull the foam rubber off of those and stick them over my old grips and that's the part I wanted them for anyway. I got them to cut down on the vibrations going into my hands, wrists and arms. Hopefully it'll work.

I put them all on after work but I haven't gone for a ride yet. Today brought some big news for RR and I figured she'd want to talk about it so I decided to stick around the house in case she accepted my invitation to call me. She worked today at two different places so she only had about an hour window in which she could talk. I suppose it's somewhat petty to point out that I made a small sacrifice so she could talk to me, but darn it. I want the credit on this one. :P

DH came over and hung out for a while. He borrowed the movie American Splendor from a co-worker and we watched it a little after 8pm. It's a quirky biographical docudrama about Harvey Pekar. In 1974 he started writing comic books about his normal somewhat screwed up life. I enjoyed it. It's rated R for language so I wouldn't watch it with my mother or my sisters (who are also mothers) but it's not a kids film.

I'm burning CDs of files for the guy who said he'd work on the audio for our short film. I'm rendering out a full quality video file of the whole thing for effects processing. RJ wants to get this thing done. I don't blame her at all and sadly enough, I'm the bottleneck here. So I'm doing a bit tonight.

That's most of my evening.

Bits and pieces to enable riding
sat outside the door boxed and waiting
the door was opened and then was closed
with box possessed in the interim

cut the tape, lift the flaps peer inside
all is in order with what was ordered
somethings, perhaps, different than thought
nonetheless I am undisapointed

the time too short in the morning
to put them all together
and besides, the skies were gray
and the weatherman calls for rain

--

and yesterday I bought that jacket. It's too easy to spend money. I wondered again whether or not it should have been spent even though it is a useful, maybe necessary thing. I want to start making larger payments on my so I can get out from under that load. I may need to replace the tires on the thing before too long too.

--

and today a woman rises to see what I've written and briefly forgets the committee that's meeting to decide for her a potential fate.

Lord, grant them wisdom and her as well.

I don't have many memories of God working in my life. Things don't come to mind immediately. That worries me, but it's in our nature to forget and I haven't written things down in those terms. Mostly, I figure I'm just partially blind.

I can say that I have been used to say the right thing at the right time on a few occasions. That's a start, right?

It was warm Saturday... warm to the tune of in the 80's with a lot of humidity. It'll be more of the same on Sunday, I think. If I had gotten the mirrors I ordered for my motorcycle, I would consider going for a ride. I think Rachel may be considering it. With my bike running rough and having recently been wrecked, I don't think I want to go on a long ride in the countryside (away from cell phone service) on it. As it currently sits, I don't want to ride it in traffic while it's missing the left mirror. I suppose I should've just bought the ones at the dealer in town. Oh well, it's too late now.

My brake lever has come in but it's supposed to be rainy until next Wed.

The parts I ordered from the dealer are in.

I'm still waiting on the parts from JC Whitney to arrive.

The bike should be up and usable soon (I hope).

The netflix I've been waiting for has finally arrived. We can now finish Escaflowne. Netflix didn't used to have the whole set so we got stuck halfway through it. Now they have it and it's sitting at home waiting for us to watch.

Okay. The DVD will need to be finished tomorrow. I decided to try to make the menu loop and the software I'm using isn't cooperating very well.

I didn't think you were obsessing obsessing obsessing obsessing obsessing. ahem. I just thought I'd share some thoughts :D

I'm not worried about you in this. I just tend to want to parrot things, certain doctrines or life advice when something reminds me of them.

It's raining today. It hasn't been a downpour but it has rained. The last time I was out it was just a heavy mist. If it weren't a little too cool for my preferences, I'd even call it nice.

I should have the DVD I'm working on finished up by the end of the day.

Not knowing. It can be hard and frustrating. It can be unnerving. It makes it hard to make plans. It's one of those things in which your attitude makes a world of difference. You can spend hours and hours thinking of what may or may not happen. There is a reasonable amount of preparing that you can and should do... especially if the road splits into two or maybe three thereby limiting the possibilities. However, it's pretty easy to get so mired in the speculation that you lose sight of the present. Sometimes you just have to focus on what's at hand and trust God for the rest. "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt 6:34)

Yeah, I'm not saying anything new or anything you don't already know or haven't been telling yourself. I suppose not having a firmly closed door can be just another way of teaching you to trust. Everything will work out. We know this. We don't have to have plans in order to survive or thrive. Sure, they help, as do having goals, but ultimately there's very little that we can control.

Blah blah blah :D

Another evening with not much done.

Tim and I watched Disney's The Pacifier at the $1.50 theater. It really wasn't very good. I liked Garfield better... except for the cat. He was annoying. At any rate there's a large section of movie where they just show a bunch of random scenes of Vin interacting with the kids. It doesn't seem to have a narrative thread through this section and most of the time one scene doesn't set up the next scene. The ending wasn't entirely unpredictable. At least the characters were mostly likeable.
At last I think my website has been completely transferred to the new host. Yay. Now I just need to redesign it from the ground up... just like I've been saying for the last two years.

And then I played Worms 3D.

Good night.

Yesterday I got my new passport. yippie. now I can flee the country... um.. take a vacation abroad.

aaaarrgh

Is it the sugar and caffeine? I'm restless and frustrated. Part of that is due to mild stress related to moving my website and stuff. I'm not as impressed with my new host as I hoped. Lunarpages had a much better control panel with a lot more options. This, however, was cheaper (but only by a little if they renege on their 14 months free with a 2-year subscription deal.)

Today is one of those days that... well, it's a Monday. Sure, technically it's Tuesday, but it's the first day back to work after the weekend.

I want to go home... and soon will.

Presents have been exchanged on the left coast today. I know of a couple of 'em. I hope everything went as well as planned.

I think I was asleep when my phone rang. Aren't 1AM wrong numbers fun? Hopefully I can fall asleep again soon. The phone is now off.

This morning I had an idea... an epiphany of sorts.

One of the biggest problems with global warming (regardless of what causes it) is that ocean levels will rise and low lying areas and islands may get swamped and become unlivable.

Another issue in the last 60 years or so is the (now) unnecessary stockpiling of nuclear weapons.

The largest nuke ever set off by the US was a 5 megaton explosive. This test was done underground in a remote part of Alaska and was the main reason Greenpeace was founded (I'm sure, they wouldn't approve my plan either). One of the effects of that test was that the land mass above the explosion was permanently raised 20 feet or so. Hmm... maybe I'm not remembering that figure right. It seems awfully high. Maybe I should look it up again. At any rate the land was permanently raised. Soo... we could solve both problems by "boosting" those low lying areas using the excess (or all) of the nuclear weapons in various country's arsenals.

If those low lying countries don't like the idea we can use the nukes to blow some very large holes somewhere to drain excess water into.

Well, if it weren't nuclear fallout and other eco damage it'd work I tells ya, It'd work.

Yesterday turned out fine afterall. I didn't accomplish anything of note, work wise. In fact, I don't think I did any work at all. Yay for the weekend. The sky was gloomy when I left Lynchburg but the clouds had dispersed enough to let the sunshine in. I wandered around the crutchfields store for a bit before making arrangements to meet Beth at Ben and Jerry's. After a little ice cream and conversation we went across the parking lot's street to the Hallmark store for to buy here mum a belated birthday card. (That's where I was when I got a call from a certain West-coast friend.) After which we said a short good bye and parted company. I drove around town a bit then talked on the phone a bit then walked through the Food Of All Nations store for a bit. I was disappointed by the selection and found no authentic asian bowl of noodles type of thing to buy. They have some good looking already prepared meals there, but that isn't what I was shopping for. I then went over to Matt's house, watched the last of the UVA vs Hopkin's lacrosse game (UVA lost) and then Matt and I ate at Chili's. I had the Cajun Chicken Pasta and it was good. After that we just drove around some more (this time I was just along for the ride) through a new shopping center still under construction and out into the countryside. By that point the sun was shining brightly, the air floating clearly and the sky was... um.. being bluely. It was quite nice.

Who said I was talking about you? Well, you're right. That's about what I was thinking. I'm not sure why I was pondering that anyway.

ugh. Today is a gray day. It seems cooler than it should, but I haven't been out in it. I woke up earlier than I wanted. I do remember bits of the dream I was having but dreams can never be fully described. I didn't finally rise to face the day until around 10:30 or so but i had gotten up to use the facilities and went back to bed. I was up late last night and wanted the rest. I can't say I feel very rested though. Tim is out helping someone move furniture. Mike and Ena went to Richmond to go shopping. I was going to stay here and work on map animations for the missions video project but I really don't feel like working now so I may as well have gone. I should call Rachel. I don't know what she's up to today. I may go up to Charlottesville today. I would've already left but my friend Beth is so burried in finishing her dissertation that she didn't want to meet until later in the day so she could have accomplished something before getting together. I haven't seen her since September 2003 and she's moving to Texas at the end of the summer. I have other friends up there that I should visit. Altogether I just feel blah today.

I think I'll drive up there anyway. The drive might do me good.

I hope it's sunny where you are.

I wonder if I think she's stronger than she really is? I mean, I believe her core is solid but her shell may be softer than I realize. She's not one to wear her heart on her sleeve but thtat doesn't mean it doesn't get bruised.

I ordered parts for my bike tonight. I even bought some unecessary things like new grips (to lesson vibrations) and a thing for the throttle that makes it a bit easier to operate over longer rides.

I fiddled with the machine for a bit. It's running kind of rough but it wasn't exactly purring like a kitten before the wreck. I'd like to get the former owner up here to look it over and make adjustments. At the same time I don't want to spend more money on it.

Oh well.

Well, Doc came in to see the show open that I've been working on. He seems to like how it's coming. I may be finished with a workable version by the time I leave tonight. I have to have it to them by noon tomorrow.

The good news is that I won't have to miss church tonight. It's an eating/fellowship night so I feel like I could miss it if I had to. I didn't sign up to bring anything critical to the meal. It's Brian and Amy Hudkins' last week with us, however, and I feel I should be there to send them off. We aren't particularly close but we're on friendly terms. Perhaps we're on more than friendly terms considering that I'm supporting them financially in their ministry. I suppose I should be more involved because of that :D I think they'll be back some time in the future but I'm not entirely sure about that. I just know they're going away and I think they have someone taking care of their lawn, etc. That usually means a return is planned, no?

I don't know if I want to write anything here right now or not. I'll just say that I'm fighting the urge to call someone. You know who you are.

She sang to me last night.

Without realizing what she was doing, she sang. It was merely to illustrate a point, merely to convey a tune she knew and thought I might. Her voice came through the phones, through the air and across the vast communications network that wraps itself around the modern world. A voice that carries more weight than it should. A voice that is bolder in song than in speech. A voice that was freed by the distraction of driving down I-5 on a Sunday afternoon.

It's Sunday afternoon and I'm sitting on the deck under the patio umbrella in my recliner camp chair. It's partly cloudy with large tritely fluffy clouds occasionally blocking the sunshine. It's breezy and warm and nice. I should probably be wearing shorts if only because I can. The birds are singing or squawking (depending on the listener's mood I suppose) and the sound from the traffic 20 yards away only bothers you if you let it. It's nice here. Not exactly peaceful but still a bit of niceness.

I forgot to set the alarm clock last night. This morning I woke up around 10:07am. Church starts at 10am. Normally I think I'd just skip but I didn't get to go last week so I decided to go in anyway. I got there just as Mark started the sermon. I missed most of the introduction but was seated by the time he prayed. He's starting a new series on the book of Galatians.

I didn't realize it until the end of the service, but this was my week to help clean up. It's a good thing that I decided to go. I wouldn't want to make thing more difficult for the others that did that today. I also wanted to go to lunch with friends but they were going for chinese and well, I didn't feel like it. I ended up getting a tasty bavarian pretzel melt sandwich and a bottle of "Tradewinds Honey Tea with Ginseng" at Sheetz. So I ate alone.

I wish I had spent more time with Mom and Dad while they were here. I was busy and they weren't here long. They're probably on the road to PA now.

I'm thinking about doing that political cartoon drawing today. That shouldn't be too much like work, eh?

Maybe I'll just put the laptop down and close my eyes for a while. Maybe I'll just lay back and relax here in the fresh(ish) air and try not to get too curious about the insect/animal sounds coming nearby.

I'm Baaack

I am a futurist and a visionary and am not content to stay in the present. That's why I'm always moving forward through time, turning todays into yesterdays. The future arrives every moment and blah blah blah blah :D

I'm curious now about the kinds of things that "C" told her that allowed her to become more vulnerable than she normally would've. I don't want to repeat that track. I don't want her to relive the past. Yes, I think we've been pretty good about keeping things in the present. I'm sure we're thinking about the future and the places we may or may not hold then but we don't talk about it. For now that's a good thing. I suppose at some point we'll have to but for now it's nice to be friends. Come to think about it I don't talk about the future much with my friends. I don't even think about my friends and I and what we'll be doing a year from now. We just take it as it comes. Perhaps if I held my eye on the future of me a bit more intently I'd consume less sugar and perhaps even exercise. :D

I like RR. I'm perhaps not at peak infatuation at the moment, but my desire to communicate with her has grown.

Someone is thinking too much ;) I had no nays in mind... I was merely playing with the phrase :)

Let your "yea" be "yea" and your "nay" be... We didn't talk about "nay."

She kept starting an entry and then erasing it. Now I'm curious.

She seemed a little frustrated the other day... at least what she said. Yeah, I may be a bit too worried about things, but maybe I overstated it. Some of it isn't me worried about the devestation I can wreak on her psyche. I suppose that's giving myself too much credit. On another level, I simply don't want to hurt her feelings. I'm pretty sure I could do that. Strangers and children can hurt your feelings (or at least mine) so I think I'm capable of that. I don't want to do that. It's much smaller that causing emotional ruin and perhaps more of a possibility.

So anyway, congrats on grad acceptance. You don't have the nightmarish situation of choosing between 6 schools to attend... but only because you didn't finish all the applications... you sly one you. I hope you get accepted at Georgetown (unless you have them hold the app) even if you decide you can't go there.

Application.... why is it that we have words with so many meanings?

...after the second application of paint...
...started the application on the computer...
...filled out the application for a new job...

Yeah, it's all 'to apply' except maybe as a computer program in which you're applying computer resources to a task.... or applying a task to the resources. It's all just a bit fuzzy.

I don't know why I want to talk to you so much. I just do. And then so quickly I run out of things to say.

I just learned about a website called emusic.com. You pay $9.99 a month for 40 mp3 song downloads. The thing that really interested is that they're doing a two week free trial with 50 free downloads. Hmm... 50 free and legal song downloads. I like the sound of that. I should make a list... hopefully they'll have what I want :D

"[RR] Disconnected"
A simple message from the Instant Message program. Why does it make me a little sad?

That's not to say that I had a euphoric weekend. That's not to say I'm more infatuated now than I have been. I had a nice weekend. One that was laid back and restful (except for the lack of sleep). As for the other thing... well, emotions are screwy things. I know when I miss talking to her and that's most of the time I'm not. I don't want her to think that I'm more... I don't want her to get the wrong idea... It's be easier if I knew exactly where I stood. My boss gave me some advice. Basically it boils down to not expecting too much and just enjoying things as they come. Okay, he didn't say it like that at all. Mostly he was talking about people going into relationships thinking it could be "the one" and therefore putting too much pressure on things and making it all more awkward than it needs to be.

---
Random thoughts related to things I've recently read:

Even strangers can hurt you... maybe not as much as someone close to you, but you're never completely free from that danger.

Love is the bluntest of all weapons but it can cut to the bone. - Yeah, it doesn't really make sense but I thought it sounded cool.

If the purpose of being in a relationship is to help each other grow in Christ, maybe I'm doing my job. I don't know. Maybe my job is to break your heart again. I hope not. There's risk in it for me as well, you know. If separation is what helps you grow how will I be eliminated? Never mind. It's probably just the caffeine talking.

I stand by everything I said before we met and I don't want her to disappear from my life. I've grown too accostomed to having her here. The tears that fell were not for me, not for being disappointed. They fell, I think in part, because I saw how easily and how much I could hurt her if I were to pull away now. They fell after I read her blog Saturday morning. They fell maybe because I was sleep deprived and a bit more emotional than usual. I don't know exactly why they fell but I do know I still want to have her around.

The txt I sent about guarding your heart... well, that was me saying that I don't want to hurt her and knowing I might.

There are some things I'm thinking that I just don't want to say. I've spent quite a bit of time on this third paragraph and totally scrapped it. grrr... I'm sorry I'm not letting you in on the thought process. Maybe if I did she'd feel more secure. Maybe it'd have the opposite effect. I guess big question is: "Are we still "interested" in each other?" For my part: yes, I guess I am. I have some things to deal with in relation to that though but I'm not going away just yet.

Still no commitments though :p

However, I do consider her to be my friend. I can commit to that for a while ;)

She clicks in nervously to see what he has to say. His blog has been quiet... too quiet ever since they first met face to face. She on the other hand has been quite prolific and moderately open in hers the last few days.

The page comes up but she stares in disbelief as the only new entry is a description of what she's doing as she reads it... In her pajamas... with a mock surprized look on her face that soon gives way to some kind of chuckle or something. "there he goes again, being clever" she thinks to herself.

She wishes he'd say something substantive... something to give her an indication of what he's thinking after their first real time spent together.

He's just being cryptic. :p

It's 6am and I'm awake. I've been awake for awhile now. I don't know what woke me up ahead of schedule but I've been thinking about my trip tomorrow. 24 hours from now I'll either be ckecking in or waiting to board the plane. I was thinking about how awful it'd be if I missed my flight and wondering what I'd do if I did. There are procedures in place in case that happens. People miss flights all the time but I'm never heard what it cost them. Oh well. Now if the flight is overbooked and I'm given the opportunity to give up my seat, wait for a later flight and get a free trip out of it, I'd seriously consider it. This trip is short enough as it is though. hmmm. I'm more worried about missing a flight and the chance to see her than I am about actually meeting her I think. I guess I'll have 8 hours or so when I'm traveling to get nervous about that. One thing at a time.

Delta Air Lines Flight 4723 and Delta Air Lines Flight 835. Hopefully you won't hear about these flights in the news.

See you soon :)

This morning I was thinking about walking away from her and never talking with her again. I wasn't contemplating doing that, just pondering the question. What would that be like? How easily could I do that? Could I just cut it off? We haven't made commitments beyond meeting. There are no formalities to our relationship beyond common decency perhaps. The question was more about my emotional state and the moment and in that hypothetical situation. It's been a very good three months. My attitude and disposition and outlook are much better now than before. I think I'm healthier mentally than I was before. It'd be a shame to throw that all away. This morning it kind of felt like I could do it though. I don't know if I could though. Sure, there aren't any formal ties but after sharing so much I'm thinking there'd be a big hole in my life if that happened. Sure, I'd probably get over it. It'd worry me if I didn't have to. I don't think I'd want to go back to not having someone to talk to or think about. I suppose I'll grow more attached as time goes on. :D

http://www.ntv.co.jp/channel/kasoh/kin10.html

Well, in two days I'll be winging my way to Washington to meet the known but as of yet unmet. I hope whatever virus that has taken up residence in her body will have departed or died. Even if she hasn't recovered I'm still looking forward to spending some time together. Please don't be contagious. I don't want an interesting 10 hour trip back home. :D

"What am I going to do with my life?" Maybe it'd be better to ask "What am I doing today?" It's easy to put things off when looking at the big picture.

Word of the Day - Information provided by Petersons.com

euphoric

DEFINITION: (adjective) a feeling of extreme happiness and well-being; elation.
EXAMPLE: One often feels euphoric during the earliest days of a new love affair.
SYNONYMS: blissful, ecstatic, rapturous

---

I found my lost pen. I'm not euphoric about it but it does make me feel better. I bought some new shirts. I'm not euphoric about that either. I never did like spending money on clothes though it is nice to have new ones. I suppose some day I'll feel euphoric [again], maybe someday soon [again].

I passed the sink on the way out the door this morning, depositing a plate and glass. The sink was full of dirty dishes. It made me think of a certain someone who doesn't like to wash dirty dishes. I hope she's having a great day.